I don't like tests.

In fact I fail tests pretty easily.

Tests put my gut in knots.
Tests always seem to leave me feeling how dumb I was instead of how smart.
Tests were always about measuring up, always about "how good are you."
Test seemed to create an environment where one eye was on me and one on others.
Tests were about being first.
Tests were about being the best.
Tests were about me.

I got a lot of low grades in school and it made me feel like a failure, well actually I was a failure. I didn't graduate from highschool with my peers. I had to go to community college later and get my highschool diploma.

I think one of the things that impacted my life the most when Jesus revealed Himself to me, was that Jesus took the test for me.
He said I failed but He would give me His grade.
Being a poor student that sounded like a FANTASTIC DEAL!

My failures, my ignorance, my stupidity, my sin, my inability to get anything right in life didn't seem to matter with Jesus. In fact, it seemed like the more screwed up I was, them more Jesus seemed to pull me closer.

It was a mystery, it didn't fit my worldview...losers win?

Grace was a spiritual truth that wasn't a part of my life experience.
I was always getting busted, punished, left out, left behind, forgotten, abandoned.

I felt like a big fat "F."

The last thing I wanted to hear was that God was grading me!

I have spent a lot of my spiritual life trying to get an "A" to get God to like me or pat me on the back. I have wanted to be the heavenly Teachers pet. The apple of His eye by laying my little apples of good work and holy striving on His desk.

But the more I have tried to be an "A" student the more I have come to realize that I still need Jesus because I am still one who needs grace.

A short tale from inside a youth prison:
About Rayann...

The first look was skeptical, most in here are.
She sat a bit interested, working me over in her mind by the looks of it.
I shared…she stared.

She was only a day over 7 it seemed, but more likely 15, I think.
A little girl in a big world gone real bad.

I talked about stone hearts being turned to flesh again.
She seemed like something in her remembered hope but had forgotten what it felt like. I thought I heard a small voice from the grave that she was buried within.

I wandered gently towards her table after the message and prayer, testing the waters, looking for that look, the look that says talk to me, please.

She looked skittish, like a frightened cat, tough on the outside but really wanting to purr if you are patient and cautious enough.

I sat down at a table of girls, an awkward thing for a 33 year old, 240 pound, shaved headed man to do without feeling like an offender myself. The look in their eyes seemed to confirm my own apprehensions…icy, distant, leaning away like someone who is afraid of you possibly hitting them. I was nervous she would run.

We talked, well, she talked, I listened…

Drug user, repeat offender, alcoholic mother, calls older sister Mom, younger sister is four and pleaded with her to stop using, she wants to go home, not sure if dad is really dad but whatever the case he isn't around either. No Daddy, no Mommy…misses home, even though home isn't healthy. Wants to stop using but history yells louder than hope most the times.

She shared and cried.
Little tears, like the ones little girls cry when there is no one to hold them and they are afraid.

I reached out to touch her little hand, praying that the hug I wanted to give so badly but couldn't, would reach her aching heart.

She thanked me for coming and listening to her…
I'm thanking her for taking out my stone heart and giving it flesh again.

Pray for Rayann, she wants to be good, like she was before life raped her innocence and stole hope from her eyes.
She told me jail isn't "a place of healing," oh, how wrong she was.
Anytime love turns hearts to flesh is a moment of healing.
I was healed by reaching out to the ones Jesus asks me to visit.

Jesus healed me through a little girl's tears last night…
I pray a little girl will be healed by mine this morning…

Blind girl is healed!

A friend of mine just returned from a ministry trip to India, where he prayed for a blind girl and she was healed.

Didn't see and then did.

How do you respond to someone who tells you they saw a blind person healed?

I was struck by the fact that he didn't have tears in his eyes, when he shared it. He didn't shout it, jump up and down and do a jig or anything.

He just shared it with me, the two of us alone, drinking latte's, in a cool new coffee shop.

It felt surreal.

When we are crushed like grapes, we cannot not think of the wine we will become.
-Henri Nouwen

Ministry disappointments and disillusionment have created an unexpected "wine" over the years. One that has enabled me to relax, enjoy and give up on trying to save the world or at least feel like it's up to me.

I can't heal people but I can love them.
And in my loving them, hope that they will heal.

Soon as you set out to "fix" things or people, you end up with more problems than you saw at the first...be forewarned.

Reformers, revolutionaries, idealists...Pandora's box is in your hands, hope you can handle it.

This helped me understand myself better:

So, for postmoderns, clarity may be a lower value than intrigue. And this Aristotelian re-balancing means that writers ethos—their moral character that is conveyed through their rhetorical choices—is essential to earn credibility in goodness. For example, a clear, convincing, cogent, articulate, powerful argument that is perceived to be overbearing and coercive may be less persuasive than a kinder, gentler argument that leaves room for the reader to reach his or her own conclusions."

A lot of what I hear around Christian circles seems to leave no room for other conclusions. In fact, a lot of what we say seems to be a verbal stop sign more than a green light towards further dialogue.

We fire off words like verbal machine gunners bent on ending something instead of starting something.

Our "talks" are not conversations they are verbal hand grenades lobed over high walled pulpits.

Soon as our mouths open, a paralyzing green haze emerges that turns insecure souls to stone.

I think the way we preach at each other, really shows how afraid we are conversation, dialogue and debate.

The fact that we have crafted out times around a "preach" says a lot about our insecurity and desire for control, safety and lack of faith. We want predictable, definable, controllable outcomes...a sermon accomplishes that.

A conversation doesn't.

Jesus isn't a cute vegetable

"Do not be surprised, brothers, if the world hates you."
-1 John 3:13
-(Written by John a friend of Jesus, one who saw Him butchered by Romans.)

I think in light of the recent cultural turmoil over Mel Gibson's "Passion" movie, this scripture rings so true.

When you strip off all the soul numbing religiosity from the simple story of the life of Jesus; you are faced with a radical person who lived a controversial life.

Jesus is more than a soft and colorful cartoon in a kids sing-a-long video.

Jesus isn't a cute vegetable.

He is more than a philosophical ideal, a set of a principles, a theory, a 3 point message or a bumper sticker catch phrase.

Jesus isn't just over the counter aspirin for the dull ache of American life.

He isn't spiritual cocaine for the over stimulated charismatic church junkie.

He isn't pink pepto for overindulgent saved sinners.

He never was mainstream religious material, an info commercial, lapel pin or a bobble head for your dashboard.

He wasn't predictable, safe or sanitized for your personal safety.

He had a lot of enemies, in fact many were infatuated, fascinated and curious at first and ended up turing on Him and became His enemies.

Jesus wasn't understood by His own family, in fact, they thought he was going overboard and might be out of his mind.

Even those around Jesus were often puzzled, confused and wondered who He really was or what He was trying to do.

Many followed Him for a while and then didn't, in fact most people who followed Him quit.

Jesus was loved desperately and hated as passionately.

Jesus didn't meet everyone's expectations, even ticked some people off and had a reputation as a liberal.

Jesus wasn't political, didn't pump hands, kiss babies or smile into cameras.

Jesus didn't write a book.

Jesus was poor and asked others to give away their money too.

Jesus walked. He wasn't in a hurry...

Jesus had a few close friends...and one really didn't like Him, in fact, he ripped Him off pretty regularly.

Jesus died a criminal with criminals.

Jesus didn't have a 401K or a life insurance policy...His friends had to buy a place to bury Him.

In the last message of Jesus, He said He would spit out anyone who lived a life of lukewarm indifference.

So what ever we say about who Jesus was...we can never say He wasn't controversial.

Strange:

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do

Things taking place right now:

*Almost completed Ratchet & Clank's new video game on PS2
*Listening to Nora Jones new CD
*Reading "Blue Like jazz" which is awesome!
*Planning for our upcoming BLAZE youth conference
*Loving a poem I found by Emily Dickison on the marrowless life
*Missing old friends
*Kinda wishing we had another baby
*Wondering where some of our youth went so wrong
*Got full custody of Alicia, ends a year of hell, what a battle that was...
*Enjoyed Valentines day, White House Grill is my fave...
*Got some new LOTR trading cards, a great game, even for a 33 year old.
*Really longing for Zion
*A lot of other stuff that if I wrote on this blog, some people would have a hissy fit and get all ticked off. So I have to find a way to express it, share it and live it without being me.
That's tough....

"If we preach the effects of redemption in human life instead of the revelation regarding Jesus, the result in those who listen is not new birth, but refined spiritual culture... We [preachers] have to see that we are in such living sympathy with God that as we proclaim His truth He can create in souls the things which He alone can do."
-Oswald Chambers

Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening it's hardness.
-Ecclesiastes 8:1

I am growing to understand that a lot of what I perceived as healthy fundamental chrisitian spirituality in fact was just that...christian spirituality but not Jesus life.

I want to be like Jesus but the more I think about it, the more I am realizing that there is so much that Jesus is and was, that simply just won't fit within most of the "christian" circles I interact in.

It's a troubling thing really to feel less like Jesus within the body of Jesus.
I guess I am having an "out of body" experience.

I long to soften but so much of what I encounter seems to produce the opposite of the "wisdom" that Solomon speaks of. I have found that hanging around Christians often produces a lot of things that simply are not the fruit of being around God.

Here is a few habits I've picked up:

* I've grown more and more judgmental, critical and exclusive.

* I lose a heart for the lost and become more concerned about trivial issues.

* I don't like people that much.

* I major on the minors.

* I'm tired more and fruitful less.

* I get sidetracked from first things (Wife, children, Jesus).

* I hear less and less about Jesus and more and more about me.

* I talk a lot about people and less about me.

* I get good at performing.

* I am lonely in the midst of multitudes because no one really knows me, only the person they think I am.

* I am angry more...because I can't say what I want to say. I used to be able to spout off my mouth more and now, I have to bottle it all up. There were some words in the old day that summed things up real well...now I have to strain to find new ones and really they just don't do the emotions justice!

* I feel guilty a lot.
Guilty for not caring about what a lot of people care about. Guilty for not doing more. Guilty for just trying to be me and feeling that's not good enough. Guilt that I don't know more about the Bible, not being a better husband or father, for being rich, not being more holy, not reaching more people, not being more disciplined...on and on...

I don't want to become hard.
I want to soften.

I want to learn to play again like my almost 4 year old son Micah does.
When did I forget how to play anyway?

I want to find myself singing when I am not supposed to be singing like Micah does.

I want to enjoy small stuff again like a rolled up paper sword and not have to have big stuff like playstations and big churches.

I want to have "A" best friend and not have to be everybody's best friend.

I want to ride my bike again and not have to take a car, not have to rush so much.

I want to enjoy a bug as much as Micah enjoys one.

I want to savor ice cream, really lick it slow.

I want to care what is written in bubble gum wrappers again, actually take the time to read it.

I want to turn to the comics page before the news page in the paper.

I want to start drawing again not because I feel I should but, because...well, just because!

I want to enjoy a song no matter who is singing it or what station it's on.

I want to go for walks again not for health but for fun.

I want to go exploring again, like we used too...everyday.

I want to skip school or work and do something I shouldn't because I can...I am a grown up now and I can write my own note dang it!

I want to have a face that is lit up again...that seems to happen less and less these days...

Wisdom, hummm...what a thought.

’If you have not chosen the Kingdom of God, it will make in the end no difference what you have chosen instead.’ Those are hard words to take. Will it really make no difference whether it was women or patriotism, cocaine or art, whiskey or a seat in the Cabinet money or science? Well surely no difference that matters. We shall have missed the end for which we are formed and rejected the only thing that satisfies. Does it matter to a man dying in the desert by which choice of route he missed the only well?
-C.S. Lewis The Weight of Glory January 1st, 1980

One simple word from Jesus to Peter on the boat...
"COME"
Defied the elements, controlled the power of gravity,
stopped the process of death
and overcame the power of every negative circumstance.
-Dr. Gary V. Whetstone
(from the book:"It only takes One")

Can these dry bones live?

I have been thinking a lot about that question.
As I stand in the midst of the brokenness of teenage lives.
Listening to young people share about their addictions to drugs and alcohol.
Looking into the eyes of a young man in Martin Hall youth detention center; whose father won't come pick him up, even though he was released 3 weeks ago because his father is ashamed of him and the crime he committed.
Watching teens delude themselves with lies about love, sex and who really cares for them.
Watching them building fantasies about the future that are constructed out of the straw of pop culture instead of the rock of God's truth.
Sitting knee deep in the bloody mess of trying to piece back together lives that have been demolished by sexual abuse and cancerous family life.
Pained by the despair of another young girl getting pregnant.
Frustrated by the shallowness, the complacency, the indifference around me.
Struggling with the darkness while wrestling with the seeming weakness of the light.

Can these bones live...

That is a question that confronts me everyday.
I would like to pretend that I meet that question with a resounding "YES" of faith.
But in reality the grinding nature of life, human frailty and sin, often seems to exhaust and blur the vision.

Can THESE dry bones live?

Not somewhere else, not some other family or ministry, not in Africa, Asia or somewhere out there but can the dry bones around me live?
Can bones that have been looooooooong dead live?
Can the stuff that barely resembles a body, come alive again?
Can the ones that have died come back to life?
Can something that is dead...live again?

I find myself in the midst of a valley of dry bones and God wants to ask such a question.
The questions of God penetrate to the heart.
They uncover the true thoughts of the soul.
They come like a bright light that unveils everything as it truly is.

What do you really think...He asks.

Face the bones.

Touch the dry & brittle remains of life.
Look at death and think about life.
Stand in the midst of hopeless situations and begin to dream again.

Look for the places that death has overcome, where darkness has slain hope,
and walk among the dead.

I've been talking to bones...

Empty Bone

The Bone that has no Marrow,
What Ultimate for that?
It is not fit for Table
For Beggar or for Cat.

A Bone has obligations—
A Being has the same—
A Marrowless Assembly
Is culpabler than shame.

But how shall finished Creatures
A function fresh obtain?
Old Nicodemus' Phantom
Confronting us again!
-Emily Dickinson

Wow! This poem spoke to my heart...
I have been searching out Emily's poems lately. I almost bought a book of her poems yesterday at Barnes & Noble but decided to wait. But I found all of her poems on line at: So for now, I can read them until I hold them, and holding them is always better...

I have been preparing for our BLAZE youth conference and this year it is based on Ezekiel 37 "The valley of dry bones". I have been lingering long over the imagery of "bones". This poem added new light to why bones are dry...the marrow is all dried up. How many people are walking around with no marrow in life. All dried up, nothing pumping itheirer core.
Our services suffer from lack of bloody marrow...no juice!
God's Spirit brings back the marrow of real life, everything without the Spirit is simply dead bones, a shell of what it was.

Oh God, fill my bones!

In Loving memory of Carlie Brucia

Carlie is the young 11 year old girl who was recently found murdered in Florida.
My heart breaks to live in such a world where this kind of evil lurks.
God hasten the day when our children are safe from us and the world we have created.
-Eric

"My Immortal"

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

[CHORUS:]
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along

-Song by EVANESCENCE

I am having an Out of Body experience

Wisdom lights up a person's face, softening it's hardness.
-Ecclesiastes 8:1

I am growing to understand that a lot of what I perceived as healthy fundamental chrisitian spirituality in fact was just that...christian spirituality but not Jesus life.

I want to be like Jesus but the more I think about it, the more I am realizing that there is so much that Jesus is and was, that simply just won't fit within most of the "christian" circles I interact in.

It's a troubling thing really to feel less like Jesus within the body of Jesus.
I guess I am having an "out of body" experience.

I long to soften but so much of what I encounter seems to produce the opposite of the "wisdom" that Solomon speaks of.
I have found that hanging around Christians often produces a lot of things that simply are not the fruit of being around God.

Here is a few habits I've picked up:

* I've grown more and more judgmental, critical and exclusive.

* I lose a heart for the lost and become more concerned about trivial issues.

* I don't like people that much.

* I major on the minors.

* I'm tired more and fruitful less.

* I get sidetracked from first things (Wife, children, Jesus).

* I hear less and less about Jesus and more and more about me.

* I talk a lot about people and less about me.

* I get good at performing.

* I am lonely in the midst of multitudes because no one really knows me, only the person they think I am.

* I am angry more...because I can't say what I want to say. I used to be able to spout off my mouth more and now, I have to bottle it all up. There were some words in the old day that summed things up real well...now I have to strain to find new ones and really they just don't do the emotions justice!

* I feel guilty a lot.
Guilty for not caring about what a lot of people care about. Guilty for not doing more. Guilty for just trying to be me and feeling that's not good enough. Guilt that I don't know more about the Bible, not being a better husband or father, for being rich, not being more holy, not reaching more people, not being more disciplined...on and on...

I don't want to become hard.
I want to soften.

I want to learn to play again like my almost 4 year old son Micah does.
When did I forget how to play anyway?

I want to find myself singing when I am not supposed to be singing like Micah does.

I want to enjoy small stuff again like a rolled up paper sword and not have to have big stuff like playstations and big churches.

I want to have "A" best friend and not have to be everybody's best friend.

I want to ride my bike again and not have to take a car, not have to rush so much.

I want to enjoy a bug as much as Micah enjoys one.

I want to savor ice cream, really like it slow.

I want to care what is written in bubble gum wrappers again, actually take the time to read it.

I want to turn to the comics page before the news page in the paper.

I want to start drawing again not because I feel I should but, because...well, just because!

I want to enjoy a song no matter who is singing it or what station it's on.

I want to go for walks again not for health but for fun.

I want to go exploring again, like we used too...everyday.

I want to skip school or work and do something I shouldn't because I can...I am a grown up now and I can write my own note dang it!

I want to have a face that is lit up again...that seems to happen less and less these days...

Wisdom, hummm...what a thought.

Sin Boldly

"Sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly,
for He is victorious over sin, death, and the world."
-Martin Luther

Hummm...I would love to hear comments on this quote.
I know what I think he means, what do you think?

Soul creation

"If we preach the effects of redemption in human life instead of the revelation regarding Jesus, the result in those who listen is not new birth, but refined spiritual culture... We [preachers] have to see that we are in such living sympathy with God that as we proclaim His truth He can create in souls the things which He alone can do."
Oswald Chambers "Sires, We Would See Jesus" (quoted in Enrichment, Wint 2004, Vol 9, No 1, page 121)

This quote grabbed me like a hand from under the bed.

I see a lot of "refined spiritual birth" stuff going on but that seems more like dressing up a mannequin than a real life, bloody, squiggling baby being born.
We work hard at making people nice and good, and then beat them for not having a more virile life.
I can build a lot of altars but in the end I can't create the fire and I can not sustain it either.

Right-Wing Rant Reconsidered

I know that superbowl post sounded like:
A right-wing, fundamentalist, fist slamming, eye popping, blowhard preacher with a fat double chin and a sweaty brow messing up a bad hair piece.

Sheesh...what can I say...I was ticked off.

After simmering down a bit, I realized a few things:

I am afraid.

I'm afraid for my daughters and my sons.

I'm afraid of the darkness that seems to be lurking in seemingly innocent places.

I'm terrified of the sin that is hiding in our blood; that seems to spurt out from us like an unexpected wound. You know, like the one you got from stepping on that nail while you were running around the yard barefoot.

I'm frustrated with living on a planet that is dying by it's own hand.

I'm tired.

Tired of being shocked by darkness.
Shocked like the man laying on a gurney gets shocked by those big paddles full of heart jolting juice.

Tired of witnessing another day of mind numbing Christianity that has about as much healing power to stop the disintegration around us as aspirin does for cancer.

I want to scream...but I feel to do so, would be like screaming underwater...a lot of drama with little result.

I know that the only way to really do anything about such raunchy displays is to start with my own heart.

That is where real change starts.

So I guess the real rant is on me.

I pray that like the angels of Ezekiel, I will have two wings that cover myself, as well as reach out and touch my neighbor and hopefully with humble longing reach up and touch Him as well...

WARNING: EXTREME RANT COMING UP

This whole superbowl half-time thing ticked the living daylights out of me.

And we wonder why our youth rape each other at school in the bathrooms.
We wonder why our daughters are man handled, sexually assaulted, verbally pressured and teased by men in our homes, schools and work places.

Our culture is amazed that a generation has sunk to such depths of indecency, bewildered by the rude, crass and over sexualized behavior. But when you sit for 15 minutes during the MTV produced sleaze romp and watch men and women pump & hump each other like they are dogs in heat, is it any wonder?

Is it entertainment now to watch a man sexually harass a woman?

I'm disgusted by the flesh fest on the stage of the half-time.

I'm grieved that such orgyish displays pass as entertainment today.

I'm sick and tired of women prostituting their bodies for money and fame.

I'm ticked off that men see it as manly to disrespect women by treating them like a piece of meat.

I'm tired of women displaying their bodies like meat for sale or for the taking.

I am ashamed that our youth idolize such brutish behavior.

I am heart broken when I watch the glory of womanhood dragged through the lustful mud of pop culture for dollars and hype.

I am praying to God that a new generation will rise up and cast off the filthy rags of the gutter girls and sleaze studs and embrace the beauty of holiness with fiery passion.

There is a spreading plague that is sweeping into our homes, our schools and our children that is spreading death. When kids can't take a shower at school because they might be raped by their fellow same sex students what on earth is going on! (this happened in our town last week)

God give us a generation like Phinehas's who dare to drive a spiritual stake of purity through the hump & pump of their generation's cultural sex fest (Numbers 25:6-8). Someone has got to stop the plague...

I pray that your conscience was struck a sledgehammer blow yesterday. I hope you see that it's more than entertainment. I hope that you will dare to throw off the filthy rags of the immodest hormone slaves of the cultural thong throng.

God give us real men and women that will rise to the call to be a shining light in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation.

RANT OVER

Purpose?
What if He doesn’t have a purpose but, possibilities?
What if God’s plan is emerging and liquid not static and set?
Lord, help me to find the person and not the point.
Passion and not purpose, You and not it.
Written here

This thought has been clanking around in my noggin for awhile.
I'm speaking a message this Sunday that dances a bit with this issue.
"The Little Bird- Finding fulfillment and purpose in ordinary things" -based on Psalms 84:3.
Basically a message about learning to discover life in the midst of real life.
Learning to build your own "nest".
Walking in day to day life...awake.
Having open eyes of the heart.
discovering a day that is more full of God, than a future of could be.

The River's Pupil
1.23.04 - Eric Blauer

The Lord provides even men
who lose their way with pools
to quench their thirst.
-Psalms 84:6

There is something about deep waters,
that beckons to my soul.
Deep calls to deep, the psalmist moans.
It is a truth that echoes most alive
in the presence of a river,
that has gathered itself together
in a watery womb.

Meandering streams in fading summer's light,
Gentle fragrances of meadow flowers soothing crinkled brow.
The melodic whispering of stately mountain pines,
is as intoxicating as any of earths pleasures.

The mystery of it's dancing colors
and shimmering light,
like a sirens call,
has often lured me into her cool waters.
Whether in season or out,
The pull of the depths
Has quickly overtaken my more sensible self.

I'm a fool for the deep.

The soul is seen in ones eyes, they say.
And like the beautiful eyes of Eden,
a river's pupils…
are her pools.

The spell cast by her glances,
And the touch of her invigorating hands,
has more than once,
helped this lost man
find his way again.

"Let's quit fiddling with religion
and do something to bring the world to Christ."

"I want to preach the gospel so plainly
that men can come from the factories
and not have to bring a dictionary."

They tell me a revival is only temporary;
so is a bath, but it does you good.

-Billy Sunday

Most delicious!

Late have I loved Thee, O Beauty so ancient and so new, late have I loved Thee!
And behold, Thou wert within and I was without.
I was looking for Thee out there,
and I threw myself, deformed as I was, upon those well-formed things which Thou hast made.
Thou wert with me, yet I was not with Thee.
These things held me far from Thee, things which would not have existed had they not been in Thee. Thou didst call and cry out and burst in upon my deafness;
Thou didst shine forth Thy fragrance,
and I drew in my breath and now I pant for Thee;
I have tasted, and now I hunger and thirst;
Thou didst touch me, and I was inflamed with desire for Thy peace.
-St. Augustine

One of my faves

Ah! reign, wherever man is found!
My spouse, beloved and divine!
Then I am rich, and I abound,
When every human heart is thine.

A thousand sorrows pierce my soul,
To think that all are not thine own:
Ah! be adored from pole to pole;
Where is thy zeal? arise; be known!
-Madame Guyon

This is a portion of one of Madame Guyon's poems, which you can read here.
If you have not read her book: "experiencing the depth of Jesus Christ" I highly recommend it. It's one of the top five books and authors that have most influenced my life.
Here is a list of others that have been instrumental in shaping my spiritual life:
Watchmen Nee's books: (The normal chrsitian life, the spiritual man, countless others)
Testament of Devotion by Thomas Kelly
Guyon's books
Gene Edwards books (Tale of Three Kings, Divine Romance, Revolution, more)
Augustine (confessions, various writings)
Pushing to the Front by Orison Sweet Marden
Anything by John Elderidge (Wild at heart, The journey of desire, Waking the dead, sacred romance)

Jacob never loved Leah
Genesis 29

Ministry...or life for that matter, is a marriage to both Rachel's and Leah's.
It's polygamy at it's most holy state.
We are all "married" to that which we are passionate about and that which we do not love.
But we are called, or at least we could if we embraced it..."bear children" from both.

Most of my struggle in life stems from this reality...can I find life in Leah's eyes?
Am I willing to embrace the Leah's as well as the Rachel's?
Can life emerge from my relationship with both?

Even that which on the outside looks unattractive has the potential to produce life...

-revival is not enough - new structures are needed for new people, not more people for same structures.
From Tall Skinny Kiwi

Duos qui sequitur lepores, neutrum capit
"He who hunts two hares leaves one and loses the other."

"Scientists estimate that there is energy enough in less than fifty acres of sunshine to run all the machinery in the world, if it could be concentrated. But the sun might blaze out upon the earth forever without setting anything on fire; although these rays focused by a burning-glass would melt solid granite, or even change a diamond into vapor.

There are plenty of men who have ability enough; the rays of their faculties taken separately are all right, but they are powerless to collect them , to bring them all to bear upon a single spot."
-Orison Sweet Marden "Pushing to the Front" 1911

Voltaire called the frenchman La Harpe:
"An oven which was always heating, but which never cooked anything."

"The mind must be focused on a definite end, or, like machinery without a balance-wheel, it will rack itself to pieces."
--Orison Sweet Marden "Pushing to the Front" 1911

I think we live in a time where most of the "fighting men" have or need to, die in the wilderness (Joshua 5:6-9).

There needs to arise a new generation who desires the new land of promise above the comfort, security and familiarity of the old land of slavery. Those who are willing to embrace the dangers of freedom over the predictability of slavish servitude. Those who will dare to let go of the getting by, to leap into the shadowy arms of possibility.

We are surround with those who have grown content to wear the sword; but are not willing to use it.

Where are the Joshua's who know that to gain the promise you have to cut off the dead flesh of the past?
Leaders who will bring a nation to the flint knife and call a generation to radical sacrifice and bold testimony to the wild passion of a new future? (Read Joshua 5:7!).

There is little blood on the altars of our meetings and so there is little new land taken, few giants slain and a dim sound of victory in the camp and hardly any Calabs and Joshuas.

Often those who have been "led out" of the old are not the ones to "go in" to the new.
It doesn't have to be that way...but isn't that the story of humanity?
It doesn't have to be this way but it most often is.

Oh God roll away the shame of our slavery and awaken the spirit of possibility, of faith, of courage and of passion within the hearts of your people in this hour!

IRAQ FACTS

Just in case you might think of Iraq as "only" an oil rich nation, ruled by an evil dictator for 30 years, whether it has been supporting terrorists or may not be very important, here are a few important facts regarding the important history and roles that this nation has played down through history*

IRAQ -- VERY INTERESTING -- DID YOU KNOW??????
1 The garden of Eden was in Iraq. (it sure doesn't look much like Paradise on earth today thanks to Saddam)
2. Mesopotamia which is now Iraq was the cradle of civilization!
3. Noah built the ark in Iraq.
4. The Tower of Babel was in Iraq.
5. Abraham was from Ur, which is in Southern Iraq!
6. Isaac's wife is from Nahor which is in Iraq.
7. Jacob met Rachel in Iraq.
8 Jonah preached in Nineveh - which is in Iraq.
9. Assyria which is in Iraq conquered the ten tribes of Israel.
10. Amos cried out in Iraq!
* Jacob spent 20 years in Iraq--Genesis 27:42-45 & 31:38
* The first world Empire was in Iraq--Daniel 1:1-2 & 2:36-38
* The greatest revival in history was in a city in Iraq--Jonah 3
* The events of the book of Esther took place in Iraq--Esther
* The book of Nahum was a prophecy against a city in Iraq--Nahum
* The book or Revelation has prophecies against Babylon, which was the old name for the nation of Iraq--Revelation 17 & 18
No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated it than Iraq.
And that is the rest of the story.

Words that Burn

"Only thoughts that breathe in words that burn,
Can kindle the spark slumbering in the heart of another."
-Orison Sweet Marden from "Pushing to the Front" 1911

"For I am full of words; the spirit within me compels me.
Indeed my belly is like wine that has no vent;
it is ready to burst like new wineskins.

I will speak, that I may find relief;
I must open my lips and answer.
-Job 32:18-20

I love the book of Job, even though it's primary tale is tragic and produces a nervous anxiety in me.
"God isn't safe but He is good" C.S. Lewis wrote.

Life is far more mystery than anything else, and the book of Job though it pulls back the curtain to show a bit of light behind the scenes; is still quite a complicated drama that leaves one with more questions than answers.

But I think one of the things that intrigues me the most is the wild circle of hot debate;
that is found among Job and his friends.

Passionate opinions and fiery accusations are sparking off the pages.
Men wrestling with God and each other...true Jacobs.
You can almost hear the hissing of hot pokers sinking into flesh in their interchanges.
Sparks are flying, veins are popping, eyes are smoldering.
Propriety and manners are thrown to the wind; as the deep cauldron of emotion boils up out of the depths of human misery and confusion!

The heart and the mind like a well forged hammer; raining down blows on the hardened steel anvils of friends souls.

A circle of men, a gathering of minds, a war of words...Ah what delight...What danger!

Most of our gatherings are void of such passion, frankness and clear opinions.

We are sissies, mamas boys who can't handle oppositions, conviction and contrary winds.

We want smooth waters not making waves.
Safe and predictable clear skies not stormy seas potent with power enough to fling us to farther ports.

We want soft and quiet words fit for tender minds and fragile hearts.
We want the power of lightning without the frightening thunder.
And we wonder why people sleep in our gatherings...

Where are those who can speak, write, sing with such a blade that with a few sharp slices...
we are left bleeding on the floor and begging for more?

In job I find such a reality and it makes me long for more dangerous conversations.
More open friends, more people with bellies full of fermenting wine.

I think life would be more sweet to drink but for now... I read.

Heaven's Darling

This poem emerged out of a time of private worship and prayer revolved around getting a fresh vision and passion for the Bride again. One can tire of the earthly toil of attending the "church" if one isn't often "carried" to a high and lofty place to see the "Bride."

I pray today, that you would be able to be carried to a place where you can see the city, the river, the tree, the leaves, the fruit, the light, the gold, the jewels, the pearls, the angels, the music, the thunder, the lightning's, the voices, the sounds, the terrors and the joys of this one who is the passion of our saviors heart...the church, the Bride.

Heaven's Darling

Oh mighty eagles of eternity
Riders of heaven's winds;
Take me to a high and lofty place,
Far above my earthly vision.
Carry me to the place,
where the eyes of my heart can see.

Reveal to me the Great Lover's passion.
Overwhelm me with the most beautiful woman.

The favorite,
the darling of heaven,
the descending
Bride.

Let the sparkling jewels dazzle me again,
The tribes of the earth,
Fitted gracefully across her brow,
The glorious crown of redemption.

The dawn of eternity, illuminating gem,
No temple needed, because the Sun of Love,
Is the eternal Lamp within her breast.

The wreath of Eden is woven about her,
A simple leaf brings restoration to the nations,
And wipes away every tear.

In her path falls the fruit of God,
Sweet nectar of the celestial vine;
Given to awaken the holy hunger,
Hidden in the desires of man.

From her belly pours the streams of life.
Copious, gushing rivers spilling recklessly outward,
Lovingly sprung for the desperately thirsty.

Her journey is lavished with glittering gold.
The idols of history melted down,
For a simple path.
The richest of men's wealth,
Freely wasted,
for the humble soles of her feet.

She walks with the Light of His face,
Spreading over the wasteland of humanity,
Where she treads, night has fled.

Her dominion, a quite wake,
washing the curse away, like a fading memory.

His life…her unfolding, unending future.

Wild Wind

"Prophesy to the WIND, son of man, and say to the WIND, Thus says the Lord God:
Come, O WIND, come from every corner and breathe into these slain that they may come to life."
-Ezekiel 37:9

"The wind blows (breathes) where it wills;
and though you hear its sound, yet you neither know where it comes from nor where it is going.
So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit (Wind)." -Jesus (John 3:8)

There is a wild wind blowing...
Gathering mighty winds again!
Thundering tempests, gentle blowing...
Heavens womb, carrying the seeds to the four corners!

Uproot, chase the flame, let fury and passion be unleashed.
Lean down and breathe on us.
We dare to inhale Your breath!
O foolish am I to try to grasp it, contain it, control it.
I must simply be in it...embrace it and yield to it.

May we be awakened to Your might,
like those standing within the eye of the hurricane...
frighteningly unaware of what is about to be unleashed,
but wildly hungry for Your holy madness.
O! WILD WIND! Blow once again.

Actively Waiting

But there is none of this passivity in scripture. Those who are waiting are waiting very actively. They know that what they are waiting for is growing from the ground on which they are standing. That's the secret. The secret of waiting is the faith that the seed has been planted, that something has begun. Active waiting means to be present fully to the moment, in the conviction that something is happening where you are and that you want to be present to it. A waiting person is someone who is present to the moment, who believes that this moment is the moment.

A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment is empty. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. Waiting, then, is not passive. It involves nurturing the moment, as a mother nurtures the child that is growing in her. Zechariah, Elizabeth, and Mary were very present to the moment. That is why they could hear the angel. They were alert, attentive to the voice that spoke to them and said, "Don't be afraid. Something is happening to you. Pay attention."
- Henri Nouwen

From: http://www.bruderhof.com/articles/WaitingForGod.htm thanks Jordon

"And in the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the
life in your years" - Abraham Lincoln

My little cup
1.12.04

I cannot offer You glorious kingdoms,
palaces of gold,
walls of rubies or gates of pearls.

The wealth of the seas,
The treasures of the deep,
a kaleidoscope of colors to robe you with,
is not mine to command.

The magnificence of temples, heavenly spires and intricate altars,
are not within my power to build for You.

I can't weave the songs of heaven,
celestial music You already have without end.

But one thing I have,
that isn't found in all the heavenly expanse...
the wine of my love,
I give.

I desire to be a better wine
in the end,
than the beginning.

To age well,
and be a chosen drink,
in the closing of my days.

You prophesied a more glorious draught at the dusk.
A wine that would surpass the glory of the dawn.
Better wine for latter days.

I desire to be the cup You choose to drink.
Let the wine of my love,
be Your drink,
in the days of Your abstaining.

I prepare a banquet of wine,
I set a table for two.

A simple and humble offering I give...

Drink, until you are drunk,
with my love.


"Your love is better than wine."
-Canticles 1:2

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing"
-Helen Keller (Good quote Jake!)

Mere Shadows

Therefore no one is to act as your judge in regard to food or drink
or in respect to a festival or a new moon or a Sabbath day--
things which are a mere shadow of what is to come;
but the substance belongs to Christ.
-Colossians 2:16-17

Mere shadows...

I wonder how much of our life in Jesus is an interaction with "mere shadow."
Not the reality but a form of it.
How much have we been content to live with and assume it was the real thing but in reality it's something we are not supposed to settle for but press on to find the real substance.

I don't want the perfume of Jesus...I want Jesus!

Don't give me shadows, I want substance.
I don't want ideals...I don't want dream land.
Don't give me a life of pretend, I long for substance.

How much of the Christian life is lived in "mere shadows"?
We spend so much time pretending we are more than we are.
We are actors, playing parts we have memorized but have not really lived ourselves.

We hide in shadows. We speak in veiled conversations.
The curtains of our hearts are only slightly cracked.
We don't really love fully, we are safe, predictable, sanitized.
We couldn't greet one another with a holy kiss because we have forgotten how to kiss.
Were are the lovers...of God and men?

We are so nervous with each other...we couldn't sit at the last supper and drink wine because we all are afraid what we would actually say; if our inhibitions, our defenses were actually down.

No one lays on the breast of God in our gatherings anymore; such public display of affection, such unreserved passion is foreign to our tables.

Where are the weepers, the prophets of tears?
Where are those who have so much pain, suffering, wrestlings, thundering geysers of emotions within their turbulent souls that they cry rivers of tears over cities again? Where is the tender embracing arms of the heavenly hen, who longs to gather under her wings those who are unloved, unwanted and abused?

In mere shadows do we live...

God hasten the day when your people will cast of a life lived in shadows and embrace the light of who you really are and who you have really created them to be.

Oh God may I dare to come out of the life of shadows and begin to walk in the light.
Help me to live the wild pursuit of unashamed nakedness before God and man.

May I embrace my life in You with complete fearlessness and become one who fears nothing other than life less lived, than you intended it to experienced.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow.
-James 1:17

Lights

Golden splendor comes from the mountain of God.
He is clothed in dazzling splendor.
We cannot imagine the power of the Almighty...
-Job 37:22

This verse reminded me of Paul's coversion:
A light from heaven brighter than the sun shone down on me and my companions.
We all fell down and I heard a voice... -Acts 26:13-14

"There waits for every soul a message and a revelation direct from the Highest. It will not harmfully clash with the message to any other, but it is distinctly his own and it will give him an orbit as distinctive as that of each planet, but in beautiful harmony with all the rest." -(From: Inspired words for the Inspired Life).

There is a Light that's greater than all other lights.
Dazzling in it's splendor, a light that can blind one to all other things.
A light that comes into dark places -John 1:10
A light that has the power to transform the heart of man.
The light that "illumines every man" -John 1:9
A light that "darkness has never overpowered" -John 1:5
A light that "gives Life" -John 1:4
The "true light" -John 1:9

So often we are like Paul, traveling with our companions and we all encounter a great light but each hears their own voice. Many impacted, one transformed.
Like a city of blind men and yet, and few with sight...the sun can dawn, but only a few behold it's beauty.

I'm so trying to find "my orbit" and the "beautiful harmony" of a life lived in it's perfect place. A life full of appointed glory and purposeful place. A life in concert, yet fully independent. A life connected, yet gloriously unique. A life full of light.
A life of light: moral, spiritual, intellectual and physical; a life birthed from THE Father of Lights -James 1:17

"As evangelistic results in the United States and throughout the Western world reach all-time lows, perhaps it is time to ask whether the problem is the message or the messengers."
from: Irresistible Evangelism: Natural Ways to Open Others to Jesus by Steven Sjogren, Dave Ping, and Doug Pollock

YIKES!

"Studies show only 17% of Americans read the Bible regularly
-President Jim Russell, (quoted in Pen & Sword, Nov/Dec 2003, Vol 11, No 6, pages 4+)

While 84% of U.S. adults interviewed by Barna called themselves Christian, people termed the following actions "morally acceptable":
cohabitation (60%)
adultery (42%)
sexual relations between homosexuals (30%)
abortion (45%)
pornography (38%)
the use of profanity (36%)
gambling (61%)

Hummm...I thought these stats were troubling.

"The Spirit empowers for a purpose, not just for an experience." -John Wimber

I like this thought but I also think there is a danger in seeing it to ridged. The "experience" of sex is a good example, was it created for "a" purpose or many? I think most would agree that there are many purposes for sex beyond procreation. I think some people have a real hard time with the fact that God created sex. experience is a real problem for some types of people. They just can't handle the fact that feeling good or greaaaaaaaaaaat can be godly. -Me

"He remains a fool his whole life long, who loves not women, wine, and song."
-Martin Luther

Oh, I could say a lot about this quote but people get all uptight when you speak about such things. All I can say is I agree Martin, thanks for having the guts to write it down!

"Beauty is the gift of God"
- Aristotle

All I have to do is look at my wife to find the truth in this.

"When a building is about to fall down, all the mice desert it."
- Pliny the Elder

Our churches attest to this reality and yet we are so timid on the edge of such obvious truth.

Quotes lifted from Liquid thinking

About three in the morning as we were continuing instant in prayer the power of God came mightily upon us, insomuch that many cried out for exulting joy and many fell to the ground
-John Wesley

“I want to boldly assert that it is my happy belief that every Christian can have a copious outpouring of the Holy Spirit in a measure far beyond that received at conversion, and I might also say, far beyond that enjoyed by the rank and file of orthodox believers.” From A Treasury of A.W. Tozer

"I kept on crying all the time that God would fill me with His Spirit. Well, one day in the City of New York – Oh! What a day, I cannot describe it; I seldom refer to it. It is almost too sacred an experience to name. Paul had an experience of which he never spoke for 14 years. I can only say, God revealed Himself to me, and I had such an experience of His love that I had to ask him to stay his hand.”
-Dwight L. Moody

"The Holy Spirit descended upon me in a manner that seemed to go through me, body and soul. I could feel the impression, like a wave of electricity, going through me. Indeed, it seemed to come in waves and waves of liquid love…. I can recollect distinctly that it seemed to fan me, like immense wings; and it seemed to me, as these waves passed over me, that they literally moved my hair like a passing breeze."
-Charles Finney, 1821

In This Corner...

"Gird up now your loins like a man, and I will demand of you, and you declare to me." -God (Job 38:3)

God calls Job to wrestle with Him.

In the end of it all, Job realizes that he was rambling on about so much that he thought he understood but in reality he should of shut his mouth. After all the "talks" God shows up.
After all the spewing of opinions, views, thoughts, rants, accusations and preaching...God comes.
After the fermenting wine is all spilled out...He shows up.
In all of our "wisdom" we have proved that we really should "take back everything we have said."

There is a wrestling going on right now, like Jacob I have spent a lot of energy trying to wrestle some blessing from God's hands. Like Job, I've spoken a lot of words, thinking I knew what I was saying, but in the end realizing, I was talking about stuff I didn't understand. God wants to change our names, change our walk and bless us in ways that we didn't perceive.

Like Paul, we have been rushing head long into our imagined "destiny" thinking we have been serving the purposes of God and then find out that we were actually blind. What "goads" have we been kicking against that are actually Jesus's instruments; to push us somewhere we never thought we would end up?

What have we been "wrestling"; thinking that if we could just master it, we would be blessed but in reality it's just going to defeat us. And really, that defeat is what is going to bless us.

We have been seeking to steal, take, manipulate, persuade, force a blessing and in the end we find out that He isn't "for us or against us" but for the purpose of God.

Like Jacob, Job and Paul, I find myself on the ground and in the dust...humbled, broken, dazzled by revelation light.
I hear a new voice, I hear a new name, I see in ways I have never seen. The direction I was going no longer looks the same.

The road to...is no longer the road there.

We want to be of service, not just a service
The reality is that much of what we call ministry today is really administration. It’s about adding things—programs and strategies and rules. In my 22 years as a pastor, I often administered more than I ministered, if that makes sense. I’ve come to see that I was an add-minister more than a minister.
-by Spencer Burke

Wow how true these words are. The road out of this quagmire is the holy grail. Learning to live it, is the challenge of my life.

Considered philosophically, all that a great visionary leader does is awaken and harness the dreams and visions of the members of a given community and give them deeper coherence by means of a grand vision that ties together all the ‘little visions’ of the members of the group. The fact remains that no-one will be prepared to die for my sense of purpose in life’’
-p.188 "A Call to Missional Revolution" by Andrew Hamilton

I long to be this kind of person and leader. So often the opposite seems to be true in the church. We seek to harness people to our dreams and visions and then raise hell when they won't "die" for our dream. It produces frustrated leaders, I have been such a leader in my more self-focused times.
Angry, because you won't be what I want you to be...
Arghhhh! It's maddness, really.

Spit in God's mouth
"Many academics possess "a lot of degrees but no temperature."-Dick Staub

I thought this was witty. I meet a lot of people that seem to fit this, they are smart people but it's rare to find people with passion that touches me. I love passionate people, no matter what form it takes.
I think Jesus said it best: Be hot or cold, if your lukewarm, I'll spit you out of my mouth.
I know that is an extreme statement...but I didn't say it, Jesus did.
I want to live such a life, that when God takes a taste, He wants to swallow it up!

God wants to wrestle

"And Jacob was left alone, and a Man wrestled with him until daybreak." -Gen. 32:24

I was awakened this morning with this word from the Spirit
:
That God wants to wrestle.

He desires those who have some fire within them.
He wants those who have some fight in them.
Where are those who have hot passions?
Where are those who want something so bad they will wrestle God for it?
Where are those who can be broken and still not give up?
God has come to wrestle you...He wants to stir you up.
He wants to see what you got, what matters to you, what you will fight for.

What do you want?
What does your heart long for?
What are you passionate for?

I have been listening to Beethoven lately and last night I watched "immortal Beloved", a movie about his tumultuous love life. In one scene, Beethoven is teaching a young lover to play piano. In the scene, she is playing with no enthusiasm.
He comes up to her and chides her with these words:
"It's your lack of passion that is unforgivable...I must beat you for it."

LOL! I laughed when he said that.
This morning I had to ponder, how we too, can so often live such passionless lives.
Oh God forgive us for living so cold.
Wrestle me until something is lit again that will burn in a manner worthy of the ALL CONSUMING FIRE.

To my friend Darin, who is fighting a good fight against MS:

You will find a fullness in this season like never before.
The ability to drink deeply of everything He has placed around you that is worth drinking from.
Live Full my brother,
eat the best of the land,
love passionately,
think deeply,
play hard,
speak what your heart says to speak.

Embrace the Wind,
and let it's wild strength carry you to wherever His intent is.
Do not fear this storm, it will hold the power in it's fury,
to take you where clear skies never could.

My prayers are supporting your dreams my brother...

Moods of Tiger
"Where is one that, born of woman,
altogether can escape from the lower world within him,
moods of tiger, or of ape?"
-Alfred Lord Tennyson

Emotions and passions...
A strange and dangerous celestial fire that God kindled in the breast of mankind.
The heavenly fire can shed penetrating illumination to the depths of ones soul.
But it can consume the weaker life as quickly as stubble is swallowed by flame.
From what fiery torrent did this Divine tongue ignite?
What kind of Mind lights such a fire, knowing the hunger of it?
What wisdom kindles such madness?
What pounding heart released such a thundering company of wild stallions?

A greater love than worlds could ever know...

Yesterday, I preached a message called "Pouring Oil and Wine." It was a message about discovering and releasing the "oil and wine" the Lord has placed within us into the wounds and hearts of those "half-dead" around us.
I read this commentary this morning and found certain parts that really accentuated parts of the word I gave. I have been pondering this line of thought for a while.
Fighting the cultural numbing of our heads and hearts. Learning to awaken more refined pleasures and pursuits. Seeking to not be dulled so much by the artificial that I no longer can be moved by the natural.
I think these parts are worthy to meditate on...

"When stimulation comes at us from every side," he writes, "we reach a point where we cannot respond with much depth to anything. Bombarded with so much that is exciting and demands our attention, we tend to become unable to discriminate and choose from among the many options. The result is that we shut down our attention to everything." That is, we get bored.Over-stimulated and bored, we start looking for anything that will give our jaded spirits a lift.

We must recover a sense of passion and wonder.

"Finding interest and joy in life involves active engagement with the world. . . . The person who wants to be involved with life knows that it is necessary to move toward someone or something, to want to understand and know."

We are not human beings having a spiritual experience, but spiritual beings having a human experience.
As C.S. Lewis from Mike's Blog

"Herr Capellmeister, I should like to compose something; how shall I begin?" asked a youth of twelve who played with great skill on the piano. "Pooh, Pooh," replied Mozart, "you must wait."
"But you began when you were younger than I am," said the boy.
"Yes, so I did," said the great composer, "but I never asked anything about it. When one has the spirit of a composer, he writes because he can't help it."
-Pushing to the Front" by Orison S. Marden Published in 1911

Wow this short story struck a deep spiritual nerve in me.
Below is the poem that erupted out of the puncture of that nerve.

You are Wonder!
Oh God, I marvel at what you plant within the forming soul.
Every womb is a new genesis, an eden of wonder!
Mysteries hidden like dreams in the fabric of your creation.

You are Wonder!
Like a prophet gardener you sow seeds of destiny in the heart.
Then at the appointed hour of fading dark, you awaken the dawn!
You speak and out from the dirt of our passions emerging as tender seedlings...the fruit of the future.

You are Wonder!
You're answers lay in the countless fields of desire.
Secret pearls...awaiting desperate and searching hands.

You are Wonder!

Amazing story ahead...
My father sent me this short story about a young woman he saw at a Teen Challenge Benefit Dessert.

"They last person that got up was a younger gal about 22-25. She gave a lead in to her song in a very breathy weak voice. I couldn't imagine how she could sing with the difficulty she had just talking. Sounded like someone with acute asthma. Well, the music began and she broke into action singing a contemporary Christmas Carol with dance moves somewhere between Michael Jackson and a soul sister from the black choir. She used the whole stage and had everyone on their feet clapping and shouting.

It wasn't long before I realized she wasn't singing but was lip synching. She did a great job and the singer sounded like Whitney Houston. Her enthusiasm was contagious and she was the hit of the program.
Turns out she was in an auto accident a couple of years ago and her throat was crushed. What I thought was a choker was actually a device to help her talk.

It had such an impact on me how this young woman who was once a very good singer but now had difficulty speaking, none the less took what she had and gave it her all, to the joy of all. It reminded me of the young lad when asked if he had any food offered a few fish and loaves and it fed the multitude.
She too, took what she had left and it turned into a feast".

I think we all are called upon to take what we have and with the touch of God on it...turn it into a feast.
It reminds me of this verse:"God wants you to give what you have, not what you do not have." -2 Cor. 8:12b.
SO many people struggle over discovering God's will for their lives. Many search or are stuck waiting for "something out there" to reveal to them what they are supposed to do. When in reality, if we drink deeply of the great fountain of God with all our hearts, soul, mind and strength; we will find living water will begin to bubble out from inside of us to others around us. Living water flows from our inner man. Out of the heart the mouth speaks and the issues of life are discovered. We are all like Bezael and Aholiab in Exodus 31:6 & 36:2, we have seeds of destiny within us. When the heart is stirred, we are called to go and do the work. What is stirring in your heart right now?
What work have you been slow in starting because you are "waiting" for what you don't have, instead of using what you already have? Are you listening to your heart?
Have you been stuck in the "stirring" phase and not pressed on to the "work" phase?
Do you believe that God has put the "wisdom" within you and that you need faith to begin to use it?
If not you...then who?
If not now...then when?
If not here...than where?

"Myth is necessary because of what man is...because man is fundamentally mythic.
His real health depends upon his knowing and living his ...mythic nature." -Kilby

"Mythic stories help us to see clearly, which is to say, they help us see with the eyes of our hearts.
So cast a wide net, and draw in all those stories that have ever stirred your soul,
quickened your spirit, brought you to tears or joy or heroic imagination.
You will need them all, as you shall see." -from Waking the Dead by John Eldredge

Strange how this has been so true for me, right now.
My heart has been smitten, stirred, awakened, rebuked and moved by chapter 6 of the Return of the King.
The Battle of the Pelennor Fields. One of my favorite parts of the movie too.
These lines are echos of my own current reality:
My heart has whispered more than cried:"King's man! King's man! You must stay by him...".

There is so much more that I could say but I guess that tale will be told at other tables...it's a pearl of conversation, reserved for hearts that have shed the same sacrificial blood...

Go figure...
Burning the flag is considered free speech; erecting crosses as roadside memorials is not.
The FCC allows the "F-word" on television, but thanking God at a high school graduation is a no-no.
And some schools freely dispense condoms to kids, but pencils that read "Jesus loves little children" were confiscated from a first-grade class in Virginia.
Fox News: Fox News Report December 23rd, 2003

One Eye Blind
Keep one eye on the past and one eye on the future,
you will only be blind in one eye.
But keep two eyes on the future, you will be blind in both"
(-a russian resistance fighter who survived a massacre from the nazis)
Thanks Gaz for the word to chew on...

"It takes God to love God."
-Mike Bickle of FOTB

The Smoking Section
If you want to reach the world, you have to sit in the smoking section.
Neil Cole, who tried to start a "Christian Coffee House", then realized that the people he wanted to reach already had a coffee house and maybe he should just go there. (From the Fisch Tank

1904 Welsh Revival
"Evan Roberts and his brother Dan and his best friend Sidney were travelling the country conducting Revival Meetings and they were meetings with a difference. Meetings which broke the conventional and bi-passed the traditional – often the ministers just sat down unable to preach or even to understand what storm had arrived in their usually sedate temples."
Thanks to the link from someone over at 24-7 prayerabout the 1904 Welsh Revival

As I was preparing for our BLAZE youth conference this last year, I received some words form the Lord about the 1904 revival. It all started when I looked out my window and saw the neighbors address on their house "1904". I felt impressed to look up that date and the first book I opened had an article on the 1904 Welsh revival. We are approaching the 100 year anniversary of that revival.

I am praying to God to see such awakening this year...
Oh, Lord do it in my day.

The Son of God became a man to enable men to become the sons of God.
- C.S. Lewis

Castrated pony or Stallion?

"We castrate the gelding and bid him be fruitful." -C.S. Lewis

"All his life Gary had been a good boy. A gelding. And geldings, though they are nicer and much more well behaved than stallions, do not bring life. They are sterile."
-John Eldredge (The Journey of Desire)

Do you give the horse his might?
Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
Do you make him leap like the locust?
His majestic snorting is terrible.
He paws in the valley and rejoices in his strength.
He goes out to meet the weapons.
He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
and does not turn back from the sword.
The quiver rattles against him,
the flashing spear and javelin.
With shaking and rage he races over the ground;
and he does not stand still at the voice of the trumpet.
As often as the trumpet sounds he says, Aha!
And he scents the battle from afar,
and the thunder of the captains,
and the war cry.
-Job 39:19-25

What kind of horse are you?
Safe and good but sterile horse
or wild, strong and potent stallion?

I see dead people...
ooooo see a ghost here

Happy Festivus for the rest of us!
learn about Festivus Here
December 23rd!

What you win them with is what you win them to.
From the GMAN

The Madness of Denathor

The scene in ROTK that has been churning in me is the whole Denathor story line.
The part where he is eating like a pig and asks Pippin to sing to him...

Fat and gluttonous, lips bloodied by the food, the messy juice of the tomatoes, a gory foreshadowing of the carnage on the battle field. It sickened me. The frustration and despair of Pippin singing and yearning to be or see, more than an empty hall, an overindulgent and cowardly king, and a weakening city.

That whole scene resonated with me on a deep level. Singing instead of warring. Warring foolishly. Feasting while others are fighting. Singing while more noble men are taking their last stand. Growing fat while others are writing their destines. Singing about war while others are living it. Hiding in palaces while others are riding towards death.

God speed the days when the kings will ride out to war once again...

LOTR: The Return of the King

Saw the movie today with my son Christian. We skipped school and work ;) to see it together.
The movie is simply AWESOME!
I was moved at so many parts but I think the story line that got me the most was the Eowyn and Merry part of the movie. Seeing the least likely rise to glory and honor on the edge of valor and courage was simply breathtaking.
I am mesmerized by the imagery of her standing against the Witch King in bold defiance. What a potent mythological theme. I was captivated. I will be back soon to see it again, there was just to much to see, absorb and ponder.
What a masterpiece!

'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may! -Eowyn to the Witch King

Things NOT to do while watching LotR:

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait...where on earth is Harry Potter?"
2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming, "YOU.....SHALL....NOT.....PASS!" - After the movie, say "Lucas could have done it better."
3. Play a drinking game where you have to take a sip every time someone says, "the Ring."
4. Point and laugh whenever someone dies.
5. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.
6. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Missster Ander-sonnn."
7. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way...!"
8. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.
9. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep," Monty Python style.
10. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"
11. In The Two Towers when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"
12. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!" See how long it takes before you get kicked out of the theatre.
13. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"
14. Talk loudly about how you heard that there is a single frame of a nude Elf hidden somewhere in the movie.
15. Start an Orc sing-a-long.
16. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.
17 When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"
18. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.
19. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.
20. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.
21. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

The Lord of the Rings is a fundamentally religious and Catholic work; Unconsciously so at first, but consciously in the revision. It was my desire to stay theologically orthodox that led me to avoid being too specific, despite the biblical parallels in the creation story...That is why I have not put in, or have cut out, practically all references to anything like 'religion,' to cults or practices, in the imaginary world...For the religious element is absorbed into the story and into the symbolism.
-J.R.R. Tolkien

Human life is enriched by aspiring to a virtuous, honorable life of valor.
-Dick Staub. reflecting on The Return of the King.

"It's official: Washington State is the country's leading bastion of the unchurched, according to a recent survey. In a massive sampling of 19,761 adults 18 and older during a six-year period, a pollster found that 29 percent of the Evergreen State's populace attend a worship service in a typical week
-- compared with Louisiana, which has a 56 percent weekly attendance, the country's highest."It's always been the Northwest that's been the lowest in church-going," says George Gallup. "It may be the ethos of the state."
Excerpt from this article: http://www.findarticles.com/cf_dls/m1571/6_15/53913256/p1/article.jhtml

Next to Oregon, WA is the next in line in most unchurched in the nation, that is one of the reasons I value living and doing ministry in the NW.

But I think the difference is in "ACCESS."

The unchurched in the states have a multitude of living, growing, healthy churches to find a real relationship with Jesus. There are countless aggressive evangelistic works that take place in almost every major urban/suburban area or city. There are book stores, radio, TV, videos, movies, missions, multiple social safety net ministries, Christian friends, family and coworkers. Granted even with ALL this going on we are still making a pathetic impact on our culture...we will have to give an account for that to the Lord.

These tools & opportunities are not available in many places within Europe, let alone the other nations of the world. When a majority of missions funds and resources are spent on US mission, I think we need to refocus. Even though the average Christian spends more money on dog food than missions, we still have the biggest piece of the pie.

So I simply seek to stir those who have the pull in their gut to do something about it. Most people don't go, only a few ever will, even Jesus said that there is a need for those who will "GO" into the fields (Luke 10:2).

It's a pretty obvious fact that most people who "stay" really don't "DO" much of anything either...our culture, our churches, our Christian friends castrate or create evangelistically impotent Christians. There is a mass problem of evangelistic sterilization taking place among the saved. Most simply just don't care about the lost, or care but don't allow their compassion to manifest into action.

I am not seeking to be harsh, just real...and the fact is we are losing the war at this pace unless this generation arises to the challenge to obey the last command with a zeal and passion unseen in years.

A NOW word
God is blushing ordinary things into extraordinary things right now.
Old ways are being transformed to make way for new days.
Joy is overtaking duty.
There is a table that is being prepared and it is in the presence of your enemies.
Your petitions have a greater chance of being granted at the table of wine.
There is something about passion and first love that awakens favor like nothing else. The Lord loves fervent love.
We must get our banquets in the right order: Presence first, Petition second.
What will you do if the Lord comes to your table?
What will you ask for?
Banquets of wine can hang enemies...

Prophetic word recieved in worship & Prayer...

Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
In the East the people frequently anoint their visitors with some very fragrant perfume; and give them a cup or glass of some choice wine, which they are careful to fill till it runs over. The first was designed to show their love and respect; the latter to imply that while they remained there, they should have an abundance of everything. To something of this kind the psalmist probably alludes in this passage.
-Samuel Burder.

I have been studying out a spiritual vein of gold that the Holy Spirit has been unfolding these last few months.
It has been centered around the words: bread, wine and oil. Yesterday in my time before the Lord, during an interlude of worship, prayer and prophesy on the guitar, the Lord breathed more illumination. The light has revolved around Esther's Banquet in the book of Esther. There is a lot that I am still allowing to ferment in my spirit but the refreshment coming from this word is exhilarating!

Here's a few prophetic words that came springing out of my spiritual well during worship:
* Esther, you must prepare a banquet of wine.
* Your love, the wine of passion is to be set out for the king.
* Two will come to your table...A King and an Enemy.
* Life and Death, two destinies sit at the table.
* Your petition for the lives of your generation is at stake.
* The first banquet is always about being with the king.
* The second banquet was for petitioning the king.

I am mesmerized by the first miracle of Jesus.
Turning water into wine is such a potent image of that which Jesus was ushering in. What a sign!
John knew the blushing of plain old ceremonial water to the "Best Wine" was a sign of good days ahead.
I wish I could of been there in that moment; watching that wine being poured out.
I am almost positive they allowed that cup to overflow with that mystical, heavenly prophetic wine.
I am sure Psalms 23:5 was whispered out of astonished lips.

My cup runneth over.
Wherefore doth the Lord make you cup run over, but that other men's lips might taste the liquor? The showers that fall upon the highest mountains, should glide into the lowest valleys. "Give, and it shall be given you", is a maxim little believed.
-William Secker.

My cup runneth over.
Or as it is in the Vulgate: And my inebriating chalice, how excellent it is! With this cup were the martyrs inebriated, when, going forth to their passion, they recognised not those that belonged to them; not their weeping wife, not their children, not their relations; while they gave thanks and said, "I will take the cup of salvation!"
-Saint Augustine

Thou anointest my head with oil.
The unguents of Egypt may preserve our bodies from corruption, ensuring them a long duration in the dreary shades of the sepulchre, but, O Lord, the precious perfumed oil of thy grace which thou dost mysteriously pour upon our souls, purifies them, adorns them, strengthens them, sows in them the germs of immortality, and thus it not only secures them from a transitory corruption, but uplifts them from this house of bondage into eternal blessedness in thy bosom.
-Jean Baptiste Massillon, 1663-1742.

Here is our "fine print" on our youth staff application:
Fine print: You will be exposed to constant bizarre behavior and be required to smile and act like aliens haven't landed and taken over teenage bodies. Might be called upon to burp before a live audience. Must often endure high levels of foot & body odor. Must be able to go without sleep for long periods of time and live on junk food and Mt. Dew. Must be able to handle repetitious annoying remarks about ones body or personality. Be trained in the ancient art of Atomic Wedgies or an equivalent method of student behavioral control. Must love puberty, zits, crush talk, bad breath, loud music, cleaning up, driving, video games, movies, loud talking, repeating yourself over and over again, eating fast food regularly, dropping kids off & picking them up at the last minute before everything, wearing ear plugs, spinning your head on a bat or some other maturity crushing event thought up by some demented youth worker. Basically your in for a whole lot of stuff that will create a head & heart crammed full of awesome memories and life changing experiences or they will lock you up in the loony bin when it is all said and done.

To Which race of Middle earth do you belong?
Find out here

Would be theologians...must be on their guard lest by beginning too soon to preach they rather chatter themselves into Christianity than live themselves into it and find themselves at home there.
-Soren Kierkegaard as recorded in his journal, July 11, 1838
Thanks Jimmyfor the quote

Scrubbed off the roots
I believe we’ve lost a down-to-earth spirituality. Over a 2,000-year period, we’ve jerked and tugged the Christian faith out of its original soil. Henry David Thoreau warned that words—when derived properly—come with the earth still clinging to their roots. But the earth has been shaken and scrubbed off the roots of our faith to the point where much of our fruit has become juiceless—as dry and sour as an old lemon.
by Leonard Sweet

I think a lot of what I hear christians speak about is "words without earth". So much is so void of real down to earth issues. I don't want messages with the earth scrubbed off. In fact, I wish there was a whole lot more earth, maybe then we could find real practical substance to walk on.

I had a dream last night and in it, was a former Assembly of God superintendent that I used to work under. He was a real big wig in the AG at the time, a nice guy for sure but generally party line. In my dream he was speaking to a postmodern young guy and was using the word S**t a lot in his conversation. In my dream I was dumbfounded at the "dirt" that was clinging to his words. I know in most circles that dirt would be hastily "scrubbed off" but in my dream it actually made sense. Strange dream.

Wrestling with Dragons...

I saw an angel come down from heaven with the key to the bottomless pit and a heavy chain in his hand.
He seized (gripped and overpowered) the dragon...and bound him in chains for a thousand years.
-Revelations 20:1-2.

Awake, awake, put on strength and might, O arm of the Lord;
awake as in the ancient days, as in generations of long ago.
Was it not You...who pierced the dragon?
-Isaiah 51:9.

Behold, I send you out like lambs into the midst of wolves.
-Jesus (Luke 10:3).

I have given you authority and power to trample upon serpents and scorpions...
- Jesus (Luke 10:19).

I have recently been immersed in the imagery of the desperate battle pictured here.
There are many dragons lurking in our cities; there are so many wolves and lions seeking whom they can devour.

unfortunately there are few willing to go and fight for those who are becoming their prey ( read Isaiah 49:24-26 & Luke 10:2). "Can plunder be taken from warriors or captives from the fierce?" (Is. 49:24). I have wrestled with God about this lately. Even this morning I awoke and heard the call to early morning prayer in my spirit; and yet complained to the Lord about the seeming impotence of these prayers. Does it do any good to weep? Is God really concerned about these "Great Cities" (Jonah 4:11)?

The tragicness of it all, the pain, the hopelessness that so often rides on the winds of momentary victories; it's all so mythic to me.

We stand so close to the mighty overpowering waves that froth and foam with maddening intensity. Their wild dance threatens complete submersion into their dark depths. Yet, still I stand on the edge of sandy shore...and can hear him say...To here and no more...(Is. 51:15)

LOL
Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.

A picture for my spiritual mood right now...

What's Your Fave Christmas Movies?
Mine are:
A Christmas Story
ELF
It's A Wonderful Life
And I am going to watch the Chevy Chase one again to see if that's on my list...

Tolkien Who?
I about choked, when she said it. I was trying to ask a secretary at a Christian school if they allowed Tolkien books to be read in their school. I had been invited to speak at their chapel service and I was going to use a section out of chapter 6 of The Return of the King in my message.
She was clueless as to who I was talking about until I mentioned The Lord of the Rings. I was dumbfounded.

Maiden of Rohirrim, child of Kings...
A cold voice answered: 'Come not between the Nazgul and his prey!
Or he will not slay thee in thy turn. He will bear thee away to the houses of lamentation,
beyond all darkness, where thy flesh shall be devoured,
and thy shrivelled mind be left naked to the Lidless Eye.'

A sword rang as it was drawn.
'Do what you will; but I will hinder it, if I may.'
'Hinder me? Thou fool. No living man may hinder me!'
...and the clear voice was like the ring of steel.
'But no living man am I! You look upon a woman.
Eowyn I am.
(The Return of the King, Chapter 6, the Battle of the Pelennor Fields)

"She girds herself with strength and makes her arms strong."
Proverbs 31:17

Oh, God for an army of such young women...
Those who have traded the hem for a helm,
the swoon for the sword and a glorious and tragic ending over a lifetime of frivolous vanity.

Pulpits without power...
"We tend to love the altar so much that we refuse to set it on fire.
Yet God comes in the flames. Our God is a consuming fire."
-Erwin R. McManus .Unstoppable Force

...men who want rain without thunder and lightning.
I am pondering this phrase that I read: Here.
I am still pondering...I will post after my thoughts coagulates into something less fluid.

This above all, to thine own self be true,
and it must follow, as the night the day,
thou canst not then be false to any man.
- William Shakespeare

False to any man...sheesh, I wish...

Why are You like a stranger in the land,
or like the traveler who has pitched his tent for the night?
...Like a mighty man who cannot save?
-Jeremiah 14:8-9

I have been feeling like this for a couple of days.
My spirit has been so burdened by the immense need all around.
I see so many people that are struggling, falling...leaving.
I read in the paper the other day, how WA largest growing "group" is the "NONE" group.
This group marks no religious affiliation in census forms.

Then I look around my church this morning and basically all I see is grey or graying hairs...

All wonderful people...well...maybe not all...

But there is SUCH a hole...a generation is missing.

I saw someone selling these at Portland Saturday Market a while back...one of my students bought one...
Duck Tape Wallet

I have been dealing with a lot of mental stuff lately, maybe this is what I need:
Aluminum Foil Deflector Beanie

When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased.
- C.S. Lewis

The world is waiting...why are you?
Read Matthew 28:19

"Jesus came to forgive us of our sin, yes, but His mission was also to introduce us to the passion of living. Most people believe that following Jesus is all about living RIGHT. Not true. Following Jesus is all about living FULLY."
-Mike Yaconelli
from: Adam
Oh, how true this really is, so many people miss this reality in their spiritual indoctrination that comes through spoken and unspoken things within our churches and christian relationships. Just look around you, how many people do you know that exude this truth? It saddens me that this is so often the case, we suffer from lack of fully alive people.
I long to be "FULLY ALIVE" in my thought life, my devotional life, my love life, my fathering, my pastoring, my writing, my speech, my recreation, my suffering, my mentoring and in my body.

This made me laugh.
go here
I don't know why, it just did.

Had a dream right before I woke up this morning and in it I heard a verse form Proverbs 31.
So as I opened Proverbs 31, my eyes fell on verse 31, which was the content of what I heard in my dream.
"Give her of the fruit her hands, and let her own works praise her in gates of the city."
This verse spoke to me about getting about the business of writing the books I feel are within me. I spend a lot of time writing but in this new season it is time to take it to the next level.

Last night I also watched a speech by Anne Lamont, a writer. Her talk, really inspired me to get to it, as well. She is a very unconventional person that has had a spiritual new birth. She talked openly about her emerging new life in Christ in very unreligious ways. It was really refreshing to hear and see a writer that is unafraid to speak the truth. the truth of who she is and what has happened to her and what matters to her. It was equally nourishing to hear her do it in a way that didn't reek of christianeeze.

So in response to this prompting, I have printed off all my blog journal and gathered my poems and some of my writings too. I will probably self publish something of my devotional poems and prayers first because they best reveal what I am most passionate about...life in Christ.

Well see where it goes from there.