In the middle of our life journey I found myself in a dark wood. I had wandered from the straight path. It isn't easy to talk about it; it was such a thick, wild, and rough forest that when I think of it, my fear returns...I can't offer any good explanation for how I entered it. I was so sleepy at that point that I strayed from the right path. -Dante, Inferno, Canto I
J.R.R. Tolkien said, "Not all those who wander are lost". I am not sure if you ever have been lost or thought you were lost for a moment; It's near impossible to let go of the adrenaline-pumping urge to find your way in such moments. In fact the need to get found all most always eclipses the ability to enjoy wherever you may be. We always need to fix things. What if much we face simply can't be fixed? What if it just is as it is, this side of eternity? What if we are wandering and wandering is the point? What if being lost is the point. Why do we need to have answers, conclusion, finality, explanations and closure? God likes to give us a compass, not a map?
What if the thorn is to remain, in order for grace to be experienced?
What if grace is the end and the thorns are the means?
A man must wrestle till the dark centre, that is shut up close, break open, and the spark lying therein kindle. -Jaocb Boehme.
I am finding that the direction of my tears is the issue. I have begun to move from crying to crying before the Lord. It is a subtle difference but one is simply a soul bleeding to death and another is a holy sacrament.
One is solitary and the other is shared.
I know that wrestling till the dark centre is cracked open is a spiritual truth that promises to bring about life through death. But the experience is a mystery, much like Moses must have felt as he took that step from clarity into the dark tempest that was the consuming the top of Mount Sinai. Leaving the path we have known in order to discover the path yet walked, calls us to fear and wonder all in the same moment. Which in reality is what we all experience in the face of death...fear and wonder.
2 comments:
Right on.
This is a good post. Sounds like your on your way out of the forest or at least in a bright spot along the way. I like best what you said about cying before the Lord. I think He puts tears in us to experience His heart and to learn to pray, but not to consider that it is our heart, our burden, our great love that needs to cry to him for assistance and remind Him of the needs. No, He is acquainted with sorrow, But He lets us sense a portion to help keep us focused on the thing most important.
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