Friday, October 28, 2005

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Redemption in drinking blood...

I am soooooo fascinated by this amazing story and I can't wait to read the book!
I am sure you are familiar with Anne Rice and her Vampire books and the movies spin off: Interview with a Vampire but did you hear about her new endeavor? God is truly at work in this culture. I have preached and taught for years about how God was going to use Goliath's sword to cut of Goliath's head and I see it on so many fronts. It is an exciting time to be able to engage our culture with the truth. It excites me that God is showing up in the most unlikely places! He is not afraid to incarnate himself in Nazareth again...those places that religious people say nothing good can come from.
You amaze me again...I am so glad I serve you Jesus, you rock my world.
I pray I will live a life as daring as your example to me. You give me stones...
The Gospel According to Anne Rice

wishing for the new...

Thinktopia is an idea engineering company that generates better thoughts through thinking.? We work in a variety of media, from designing brand futures to media development. We remind you that success is for the people at the precipice…the entrepreneurs, innovators, risk takers, and dreamers. We remind you to never stop thinking. Proactively seek out fresh answers. Find partners. Remember that you are only as smart as the people you surround yourself with. Seek out people who are smarter than you are. Nurture them. Reward them. Because they are the future. Become cosmonauts of change. Motivate forward. Find your buzz. Remember that life is a continual uncovering. Most of all, discover the things that thrill you and do them. In the end, they are the only reason to get up in the morning.
-Pat Hanlon, company description. (lifted from


I pray that at my funeral these kinds of things will be said of my life. I long to embrace and perpetuate this kind of atmosphere throughout the different spheres of my life. To live at the precipice is the challenge when so much of life calls you away from the edge.

I need to be constantly reminded of the above challenge. These words are like a magnetic north to me, they set my internal compass. I want to realign myself with the buzz again.


By following Christ all that is mentioned above became possible. When I entered the realm of Christ, in fact,…all things became possible. All things became new. Everything was born again, fresh, renewed or became pregnant with new possibilities or opportunities. Unfortunately religion doesn't thrive on the new but perpetuates itself by encasing itself in a protective cocoon of the old. As Jesus said in Luke 5:39…No one, after drinking the old wine wishes for the new; for he says, “The old is good enough.”


I am desperately wishing for the new…

Monday, October 24, 2005

Well, I tried some other lighting options but nothing seemed to work better, so I am going to let LeeElla try. But for now, here is the latest painting, again the colors are more vibrant in person, but you get the gist. It is inspired by the parable of the tree that starts out small but grows into a massive haven for the birds of the air...only there is no birds here. I tried a watercolor version first but it sucked big time. So I tried an acrylic version and enjoyed it much more.
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never a right time...

You know that dream you carry around with you each day?
It's kinda important.
Wasn't it what you were put on planet earth to do?
They say everyone has a calling, can you still hear it?
Doesn't it eat away at you?
That treadmill you are on, did it ever get too much?
Did you ever wonder what it would be like to do your thing?
Did you ever feel time was passing you by?
Just how many days have you left before your last?
Did you ever wonder about stuff like that?
Did you ask yourself "what was stopping you?"
There is never a right time.
You will be too old.
Too young.
Too something or other.
When was last time you took a risk?
Did you remember how alive it made you feel?
There are no guarantees of success.
It's not called a leap of faith for nothing.
It's not too late, honest.
You might fall.
You might fly.


Saturday, October 22, 2005

Goldie Locks, Aqua Net and Spandex....

My love affair with hair was tragically ended around 19, when the little soldiers that were not Under Command started retreating into oblivion. Before that we shared wonderful fist pumping glory days when hair bands were on top of the world.

What grand clothes we wore...I mean, could you ever dream of how many ways you could wear a bandanna or shred your shirt and pants until they looked like a bear had mauled you. Don't we all miss the days when Aqua Net, spandex, boots and eye liner were the shared love of both sexes in the smoking pit?

Oh the pride bound up in long beautiful locks of head banging attitude. Tragically I think all that crap I poured on my lovely locks actually poisoned goldie and now if I let it grow out, instead of Dee Snyder, I look like a suffering chemo patient.

Yes, life crushes a man down into groveling humility. Then add a minivan, a fattening belly, disrespect from your kids, No more looks from the ladies, glazed over eyes from teenagers, fun stealing bills and being forced to suck off the coffee tit in order to pretend to have any resemblance of the Living After Midnight party animal you used to be.

Then the capstone of it all...we are left to attend reunion/comeback tours. There we are forced to face up to the fact that most of us are a pathetic resemblance of the rock gods that we were. Yes, though a few still cling to their thinning, mullet hair....we are now painfully ugly in tight clothes and the devil horns and guttural growls, now look and sound...ridiculous.

When did I turn into the Family Ties dad?

O the agony...Go west young man, go far as you can from middle age.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

So true, on many levels...

I don't think it's very useful to open wide the door for young artists; the ones who break down the door are much more interesting. -Paul Schrader

Can a Christian have a demon?

Jesus says, The one who dips this bread in my dish is my betrayer...and Satan entered into him...Hummmm...intersting verse. A disciple of Jesus, having an evil spirit.
I am curious what others think of this verse?

The Holy Hipster

The Pope wearing Bono's shades.

Holy Kissing Batman!

Here is an interesting article on early church life and the place of the kiss among the brothers and sisters.

The death and birth of life... getting baptized wearing my Stryper t-shirt. I had prayed to the Lord that I wanted to be baptized in a river, on a sunny day and in a place where I could go away and pray about what He wanted to do with my life. I got all those requests answered that day. I heard the call of God in the scripture I read that afternoon in Isaiah 61: The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news...I knew from that moment which direction my life would go. Posted by Picasa

Is your church a poker up the butt...

I saw this on Dick Staubs site and it made me laugh. A poker up the, that describes it well, doesn't it! We are so painfully prone to such a religious attitude. I wonder how many people visit us and leave saying that to themselves. I know that I have left many a meeting and asked myself why I seemed like I had a poker up my butt. Lighten up man...

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Yellow and Black attacked...

Thanks to LeeElla and Spencer, I got to see Stryper last night at The Big Easy. It was a total surprise they had me clueless that I was going to see this band. I saw them in 1988 on the In God We Trust tour. I knew they were coming to Spokane but didn't think I would really get to go, so the surprise was awesome. I had no idea how they would sound after these many years, couldn't be that good, I thought. But I was sooooo wrong, they were better! This concert KICKED ASS! Excuse my french but it was so true. Michael Sweet's voice was deeper and less gay and he could still hit those glass breaking notes on songs like 2 hell with the devil. I was stunned many times, flat out flabbergasted, jaw dropping moments that have not happened in a long while. They rocked hard, really, I just cant say enough how great this concert was. If they come near your city, make sure to see them, if you are a hard rock/metal fan, you wont be disappointed. What a blast it was...I just wish I had my hair back... Posted by Picasa

Here is the band today, by far a better band now in my opinion. These guys have aged well. Great band, great music. Posted by Picasa

Monday, October 17, 2005

Stop channeling Marsha Brady...

I think I resonate with the disciple Thomas, even though he often gets a bad rap. Thomas seemed to be quite a melancholy man and didn't mind voicing his nihilistic tendencies. Though coined the "doubter" I think we can miss something quite profound and deeply moving in his brief narrative in the scriptures.

First, the cry of Thomas's heart revolved around a struggle to enter the optimism and opportunity of the resurrection. His struggle with believing was deeply connected with his vision of the wounds of Jesus.

Pain, suffering and death of hope are often a debilitating experience that can hamstring the most vigorous faith. You can see Thomas's preoccupation with pessimism and death in John 11:16 where he sputters out something that looks more like a lyric from the latest dirge on the radio than a disciple of Jesus: "Let us also go, so that we may die with Him."

Wow that's not much a cheer..."Oh K, Guys...Give me a "D", give me an "I" and an "E"...what's that spell?!

Yet, even though Thomas proclaimed the rally cry of all religious manic depressives..."I won't believe, unless I can put my hand and fingers into His hands and side."
Still Jesus was able to reveal Himself to him, despite his doubt and unbelief.

I like this verse: After eight days his disciples were again inside and Thomas with them...

I haven't a clue how Thomas survived eight days in a small room with a bunch of religious, slaphappy, goofy grinning, joy gibbering, overcoming optimists...Oh the agony!

Yet, Jesus came.

I love the fact that Jesus just didn't show up in a TBN glittering robe, with superman symbol on his puffing chest and a whitestrip gleam dancing off his triumphant smile. He didn't prance in there and slap Thomas alongside the head with a trite scolding as he pushed by him to embrace his beaming buddies that were excitedly channeling Marsha Brady.

He didn't share a story about his wounds.
He didn't just reminisce about past pain with slightly cocked head and a far off look in His face.
He didn't just pray for Thomas or sermonize him or give him that disproving look that so often accompanies the face of those who are fueled by disdainful pity instead of compassion.

Instead he unbuttoned his robe and exposed his wounds to Thomas.
But not only that, he invited him to touch them; to feel the scars, to connect with the path of pain, to share in His sufferings.

Thomas needed a leader that would allow others to hear, see and most importantly touch his wounds; and in touching the wounds of Jesus, Thomas's unbelief and pessimism were healed.

Thank you Thomas, for being real.
Thank you Jesus, for not hiding your scars.
I am truly your wounds.
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Sunday, October 16, 2005

Here is my latest painting based on Hebrews 12:3 which speaks of not growing weary and losing heart. Both of which are taking place in this picture. The farmer is growing a crop of weary and the traveler has lost his heart on the journey. There is other imagery in the painting too, all of which speak about my life these last few years.
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Friday, October 14, 2005

Like water pouring over rocks...

Loving anything, is an act of faith.
There are no guarantees, it is a gift that we are to give without thought of return.
It is a way of walking and it must be walked forward. If you don't walk forward in love you will stop walking. Because there will be all kinds of things you could stop and look at that would seek to prove to you that walking in love is futile. Disappointments, unforeseen choices, sin and the unpredictable course of the river of life. 
Love is brutally simple and the highest of all calls that is sounded form the lowest of all opportunities. It is potentially present in each activity, each moment and every person. It calls us to the painful and concrete realities of this world, it beckons from the wounds that can't always be healed. Love is like water pouring over is a slow change.
It stands at our side and constantly whispers but doesn't make promises.

Thursday, October 13, 2005

Trim the fat...

Ryan nails it dead on concerning "come to us" thinking vs "go to them" thinking in relationship to churches reaching seekers. Go here and read his excellent, concise and clear post. If the body of Christ could rub up against this piece of sharp insight, we could see her lose a bunch of dead weight.

going deep...

There are superficial artists, natural artists and supernatural artists...A natural artist is someone who just takes what talent they have and displays it night after night on stage, doing the best they can within [accepted] limits. A superficial artist is someone who shouldn't be up there in the first place because they've really got nothing to tell you...(The supernatural) that's someone who goes deep, and the deeper they go, the more buried gods they'll find...I'm not sure where I fit. You can call me any one of those. But I always felt that if I'm going to do anything in life, I want to go as deep as I can.
-Bob Dylan

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

If you cannot work with love...

Work is love made visible. And if you cannot work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of those who work with joy.
- Kahlil Gibran
Enough wisdom right there to cause one to stare into their navel until one has found himself right back in the womb. Are we able to love our work? Imagine if what we all did today was done with love or should I say passion, be it, laundry, sales, speaking, driving or purchasing?
Maybe we need to sit at the gate and ponder the faces of those going by that enter with joy or at least have a deep sense of doing life consciously and not painfully vacant.
I am seeking to move from sitting to giving out of of life, of truth, of sincerity and from the soul.
Get up...echoes at the gate. 

Monday, October 10, 2005

A larger shot of my Man Hole...or as the locals call it: The Center For Existential Studies Of Non-linear Thought.
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My Man Hole...a haven, art studio, womb, lounge, library...basically a hotbed of artistic activism and hobbit hole all mixed up into one very sweet crib.
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Sunday, October 09, 2005

song of the tree...

Small things are welcome here.

Find your rest, build your nest and end your quest,

for small things are welcome here.


For I was small too, least among the many.

I know that between beginnings and ending…is being,

That what must grow up, must first grow down.

That greatness is born in perceived insignificance and randomness.

That a tree begins in the palm of another’s hand.


Come to arms extended, there is room for all.


Not one of you that falls to the ground, escaped my notice.

I see, I hear, I feel, I know…for I have fallen too.


I too had no place to lay my head…so come.


Let me envelope you, shelter you and shadow you.

Live in me, among me and within me.

Build in me, use me and rearrange me.


Become in me a symphony.

Let your song echo out of my boughs.

Chasing away night and awakening the dawn.

Let your little voices lullaby the day too.


Come, sparrows, come…I was small too.



Here is my recent painting just sitting on my couch. This one emerged out of this quote, in fact all the words are behind the paint...Don�t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer. - Rainer Maria Rilke. Posted by Picasa

Saturday, October 08, 2005

This is a beautiful and profound film about generations. The message in it resonates so deeply within my heart. Seeing the generations come together.
But for that to happen there has to be new vision. There is a cry in the emerging generation to carry on the traditions of our tribe. To be accepted, to be taught and lead. Leadership that doesn't seek to eclipse but embody and expand the past. The blindness of elders that cannot see the answers right before them because they come in a form they are not looking for or don't fit their paradigm is tragic. They simply can't or won't see.
This picture captures fathering and the lack of it and the amazing way it happens sometimes through unlikely and forgotten people. I will use this film in fleshing out what community and discipleship looks and feels like...all the challenge, pain and joy of it.
 Posted by Picasa

Friday, October 07, 2005

Went with my buddy Spencer and saw the ScFi movie called Serenity, based on the TV series Firefly. Two thumbs up here! Great movie, clean, high action, intense with some frightening images (spooky cannibal people, a few dead withered corpses) but nothing gory).
I was quite surprised and pleased for taking a chance on a movie I knew hardly anything about.
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Thursday, October 06, 2005

Go rent this film.
What an amazing movie. Inspiring, moving, tragic and such a true picture of...the least shall be first. Small people doing great things with a little love. It will arrest you at cinematic gun point and steal all your self pity.
 Posted by Picasa

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

struck down but...not destroyed.

We have this treasure in earthen vessels....we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our death woks in us, but life in you. -2 Corinthians 4:7-12
It's not a pretty thing carrying around dying things. There is a lot of sorrow around death, tears, rage, conflicting emotions that sometimes erupt or submerge but always make themselves known in some way or another. Death is not lightly experienced.
I have been experiencing a sort of death in my inner life that has been tough. Dying to people, dying to ministry, expectations, affections, reputation and a host of other things that the Lord is requiring me to let go of.
Simple repentance...turning away from something or someone.
Such wrestling are often violent encounters with me. Things don't break their hold easily. It's often a long grapple into the night...another Jacob wrestling angels until the break of day.
I apologize if the sight is unbecoming but if you come to this site than you have stepped into my own personal arena and your bound to see, hear and feel the weight of the struggle.
Hopefully it will bear life in some.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Four Horsemen ride.

Like a shadow just out of my reach,

And a breath that I can't seem to catch.

Like the chill of something ghostly and haunting,

lurking behind a basement door.


A pale horse rides…


A deep chasm like a hungry black hole,

Bullies me with threats yet unknown but imagined.

I am being stalked by endless frights and numbing possibilities,

Cold fingers have gripped my throat,

Squeezing out my faith, their incessant murmurings

Clattering in my mind like a long loose shutter.


A black horse rides…


Thundering footsteps of fate, echo in the dark tunnel of my vision.

I am wrapped in the sweaty blankets of lightless and sleepless nights.

Their hoof beats mercilessly pound on the soil of my trembling heart.

I am a prisoner of phantoms that ride over my consciousness,

suffocating me in a dust cloud of choking phobia.


A white horse rides…


Unbalanced destinies collide in my troubled mind.

Visions of the dead fill the sky, smoke rising,

From the pyres of burning hopes and charred prayers.

I watch in disillusionment as looming specters hover over me,

hungry vultures returning after a long absence.

No more strength to drive them off,

No more sound in my dream voice…my scream voice


A red horse rides…



Saturday, October 01, 2005

dangerous waters...

A blog can be dangerous to ones reputation, which may or may not be reality, but is merely a perception of the readers. Writing openly has a way of spilling heart blood into public waters and where there is the hint of blood, there will be sharks. Those villainous souls who love to discover a wound and without mercy will rip it open even more. They love to muzzle their razor sharp teeth into the tender flesh of sincerity and see if they can find something to feed their murderous tendencies on.

So is writing in such a vulnerable way worth it?

I think it is, even if it may be the death of us. We all suffer when we perpetuate life lived behind veils. We need prophets to live out the drama we secretly nurse in our tortured souls. We need artists to bring to light the dragons that haunt us in the recesses of our consciences. Bards to weave our longing, sorrows and dreams into melodic wine to help us gather strength to live again. Poetic oracles that can set our hearts on ablaze with coals mined from heavenly fires. I long to live life as free as Christ, even if freedom ends in death by the hands of those you sought to simply share life with.

I will end with these thoughts from another blog:

This blog is also where I am publicly examining myself and my public relationships. So contrary to earlier posts, I will be filleting myself close to the bone. Those with weak constitutions should not read. I will also be giving my personal account of events. So those who do not want to read my opinion should not read.

The title of the blog is prophetic and self-fulfilling. These are my careless thoughts. Once posted, they are never retracted. That is not to say that I post with the intention of hurling the most venomous of words at those closest to me. No. That is to say that if I think that you have done something with ulterior motives, I will call you out for it. That is to say that if I perceive events in a completely different light that you, I will say my opinion. I will not bite my words here.