Open letter to the youth of my youth "churches"....

In the end no matter how smart the monkey looks...he is still a dumb ape. So as an ape...I write this letter to all of you that I have pastored for good and for bad.

I am sorry for not giving you the gospel, in the way and in the clarity that you deserved. The gospel is about Jesus...so much of what I gave you was about you. The true gospel focuses on what He has done, who He is and sets people free from themselves...both their sins and their "righteousness". It is liberating. The other gospel...has man and what he does or doesn't do at it's center. It creates bondage and encourages sin...both the good kind and the bad kind. Looking back, I know I sincerely wanted the best for you. To see you grow in Christ, change the world, reach the lost, draw close to God, become more prayerful, remain pure, lead others, find God in worship, know your bibles, reach your campuses, love the lost, be good kids, obey your parents, sacrifice for God's kingdom, touch the nations and a host of other "good" things.

But in the end...I encouraged you to work hard...but I didn't teach you to rest in the work of God.

The simple gospel is: "...knowing that a man is not justified by the works of the law but through faith in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 2:16)

I am not sure if you would have come to that knowledge under my ministry. For that I ask your forgiveness. Looking back, I see more and more that "ministry" was more about me...than you. It was more about the growing drive to reach more, grow bigger, impress people, make a name, go farther than others in the spirit, have a more "spiritual" youth group...in fact, drop the "group" and put the word "church" in there, because we were going to be better than other "groups" we were going to be a youth church. So much of that, though sincere...was sincerely wrong. It divided. It put some in and others out. It put undue strain on teens who should of been enjoying just being teens instead of gathering the world onto their shoulders.

You were good enough for God but not good enough for me...and that was wrong. I see now that so much of youth work is really in vain. It's like trying to wash out the stripes of the zebra. The gospel accepts our sinfulness, our humanness, our immaturity...in fact to truly understand the gospel, you have to start with: the truth that...you are not able to save yourself.

So much of church ends up teaching you that you can save yourself, improve yourself, control yourself, restrain yourself, beat yourself, trust yourself, harness yourself...and when life teaches you that you are not able...a deep disillusionment can settle in. I have seen this happen in many of you. Some of that is simply believing a false gospel that is centered on human work instead of the work of Christ.

For some of you...it was too much. I was too much...to intense, to raw, to strict. I was to legalistic in my drive to help you "give it all to God". I was hyped up on too much world changing charismatic shit. I was to young to see the difference between growing something and producing something.
A large anything is usually unhealthy...but the pressure to perform is innate in the systems of church, the world, academics and relationships. We are plagued with a cancer of human potential thinking that sounds so good to hear but when you come to the end of it...you realize that Christ and you are two very different realities. One opens up life like a flower and the other portrays life like a dark chore to endure and change.

I hope and pray that in your struggle to grow up that you are finding Christ. My hearts desire is that you would be consumed with the rest of enjoying Him, walking with Him and serving Him in a humble and sincere way. That you would see your life as a gift to live gratefully and in doing so, you would see that your life glorifies the One who gave it to you.

I wish you would of encountered more of Jesus and less of me...but, in the end, that is the trouble of this world...seeing Jesus in the midst of so much other crap. I hope you do better than I have done.

I think all Christians would agree with me if I said that though Christianity seems at first to be all about morality, all about duties and rules and guilt and virtue, yet it leads you on, out of all that, into something beyond. One has a glimpse of a country where they do not talk of those things, except perhaps as a joke. Everyone there is filled full with what we should call goodness as a mirror is filled with light. But they do not call it goodness. They do not call it anything. They are not thinking of it. They are too busy looking at the source from which it comes."
- C.S. Lewis

You are loved...in all your youthiness, in all your imperfections, in all your teenish ways...in all your failures and accomplishments. I think of you with love and grace. I pray for you and dream of the day when all of us can walk gently and humbly in love and in grace for the glory of God.