Long enough, God - you've ignored me long enough.
I've looked at the back of your head
Long enough I've carried this ton of trouble, lived with a stomach full of pain.
Long enough my arrogant enemies have looked down their noses at me.
Take a good look at me, God, my God; I want to look life in the eye,
So no enemy can get the best of me or laugh when I fall on my face.
I've thrown myself headlong into your arms - I'm celebrating your rescue.
I'm singing at the top of my lungs, I'm so full of answered prayers.
-King David, Psalm 13 (The Message Bible)

This psalms and the songs Not Dark yet by Bob Dylan and 40 by U2 and Starting Over by Audio Adrenaline have been my private dirge lately. If you pray, I could really use your prayers. We are having some extremely challenging issues in my home that have completely battered me to the ground and left me desperately crying out to the Lord for help. Life has a way of filleting us right down to the bone sometimes.

�The Eastern church father Gregory of Nyssa talked about Moses� journey up Mount Sinai in Exodus 19. When Moses enters the darkness toward the top of the mountain, he has moved beyond knowledge to awe and to love and to the mystery of God. Gregory insists that Moses has not arrived when he enters the darkness of the mountaintop. His journey and exploration have only really begun.� -Rob Bell in Velvet Elvis

I think fear was probably a major part of that moment as well, as he was pushing through the tumultuous smoke, the ground shaking thunder, the blistering fire that was engulfing the peaks. His heart must have been pounding with the unknown and the complete lunacy of where his steps were leading him. The way to the Lord of life is so often shrouded in a cloak of death. Pain preceded pleasure in every delivery room. Resistance will meet you before revelation or hunt you down after it.

I know this entire struggle will bear something if only it doesn�t kill me in the process�