Because of your wrath there is no health in my body; my bones have no soundness because of my sin. My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear. My wounds fester and are loathsome because of my sinful folly. I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning. My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. I am feeble and utterly crushed; I groan in anguish of heart. All my longings lie open before you, O Lord; my sighing is not hidden from you. My heart pounds, my strength fails me; even the light has gone from my eyes. My friends and companions avoid me because of my wounds; my neighbors stay far away. Those who seek my life set their traps, those who would harm me talk of my ruin; all day long they plot deception. -Psalms 38:3-12
If you have never seen a meth addict in the throes of a body contorting high, it's hard to explain the horror. We met Natalie on the sidewalk in front of our church today. She was painfully high if you can call a life crushing, hope stealing, body hammering...a high. She was around 21 but obviously a few feet from eternity on the road she is on.
Her name was Natalie I think, she had bruises on her arms. She wore loose clothing that hung off her contorting skinny body. Meth creates havoc on the central nervous system, you can see it yanking each nerve fiber like a master of puppets it is. Violently racing through their cerebral cortex like a city street in Bombay. Confusing, chaotic and completely out of control.
She wept openly, stumbled over her words as they poured out of her frightened and embarrassed soul. Skittish is putting it mildly. Through a mix of excuses, mumblings about men, prostitution and words that liars say to her...she begged, blubbered and simply manifested the spirit of death before us. She is being consumed like dry paper.
Some offered to pray for her, what else can you do in a moment like that?...she said she had prayed already. I stood there silent, no prayers to pray for her. I could only pray for someone to come help us minister to young women like her. I prayed for a house to care for abused women who are being raped by darkness. I prayed for a church to rise up that can say more than...can we pray for you? I am sick of praying, I want to do something...I want to be the answer to prayers for the damned.
Unfortunately there was about 8 of us around her on the sidewalk, that means there were too many for compassion to fully help. She felt like a caged animal and paced around in circles like a dog who had just been beaten...it wants to be pet but is deathly afraid of the hands that meet out pain and pleasure...it was just too confusing for her to remain there, so she stumbled off in a fit of mixed desires that overwhelmed her all ready fried mind.
4 comments:
I think that's the closest I have ever come to crying at a blog post.
Natalie...I too am sick of "just praying" but her name is now etched on my heart. She will be prayed for tonight, and every one like her that is being torn apart.
Man, these are heart wrenching posts. I can sense your feelings of bewilderment; I feel them just now as I consider this post. Would that you could simply embrace the addictions away, but they penetrate so deep that it makes me feel helpless.
So sad............
I know the feeling. pray, think, act. The problem is the thinking and acting part often get as much attention as the prayer part. I often think that drugs are this generations spirits. Couldn't be any worse. When we made "Kicking" at Hooper in Portland I was in total amazement as people sobered up and they started to be human again. I was also fearful for them, to have to face what had been done to them and others. That's a hell of a battle. At that time I was not living for God and I remember seeing one of the counselors praying before a meeting, and in that moment I understood why God was needed. Big stuff. Good fight.
Dude, I really think that me seeing her was destined. I felt totally naked like I had nothing to offer her and all day I was left thinking...what the heck could I ever do to help someone like that. I came up with some really good ideas. I talked with the teen challenge manager lately and she said there is a huge need for a live in house to start a womans program here in Spokane. She has been praying for a house and finances to do this. There is a house by us that is huge. It looks like it has at least 6 bedrooms, but with as big as it is could have 10 or more. The last year during my walks I have been strangly drawn to that house. I told Paul that every time I walked by it I would think of different senerios on how I could get it. Sometimes these would be far fetched like I would imagine the owner running out to me and saying I'm selling my 350,000 house to you for 20 grand.
Well anyways the reason I am babling about this is hearing you write about the same desire...to do more and to have a place where you could house and help people like her as well as the teen challenge lady saying the same....I am going to type a letter to that address and tell them I want to buy their house. I want that house. I am going to get it. I just have a feeling. The location would be good. The teen challenge lady said it would be good to have it located away from the influences of the city. Something sweet is brewing with this area of ministry opportunity..I can smell it.
Oh, and just for the record she is 20 and I'm almost 100% positive her name is vanessa. She has been on my mind since Sunday.
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