I was taking my daily hike along the Ben Burr trail yesterday and as usual its a tip toe over and past the used condoms, beer cans, blankets and bathrobes, panties and today...a Hustler porn magazine. It wasn't on the trail yesterday..but there it was, face down along the side of the trail. The day before I buried a condom that was right next to the trail...and then I found myself burying porn along the trail. It's careless displaying of pornography that got me into it as a kid and its was this kind of irresponsible behavior that would snare some curious kid meandering along the trail. I found myself disgusted, pissed off and mournful all at the same time. As I buried it, I was aware that it was the first time I've touched a porn mag since coming to Christ at 15.
It was surreal and vile...I was wishing for a sink to wash my hands and at the same time painfully and darkly reminiscent of the bondage I was in when I was saved. On the wall, in the room I surrendered my heart to Jesus, I had a cross made out of playboy centerfold's. I truly worshipped the flesh. It was a god to me...a slavish, demanding, foot to back of the neck, chain tightening, soul searing, woman dehumanizing...idol.
I was graced with deliverance and trained with ongoing wisdom in my unfolding walk with Christ. In Jesus, I found a strong and able exorcist for my inner cage of demons. I didn't lose the temptations, the lusts or the love of women...but the chain was broken, the captive was allowed to walk free, if I wanted too...and I did.
Porn is a big business and its claws grip both sexes...as a pastor, this reality has painfully been true.
"Every 39 seconds a new pornographic video is being made. There are 1.5 billion pornographic Internet downloads a month. Between the years 2005 and 2006 the pornography business increased by an almost a billion dollars. Men are viewed as having this addiction, but women are affected as well. 40 million adults in the United States regularly visit pornography sites. Of those 40 million only 10% (four million adults) admitted to having a sexual addiction to pornography. Of the four million adults who admitted to having a sexual addiction problem, 680,000 are women. 17% of the 680,000 women say they struggle with pornography addiction. This is the same number of women who are addicted to alcohol or drugs."
For many people porn is a drug...one that demands and derails, destroys and dements. It's both lover and abuser...it offers the world for free but takes the soul for payment.
It's a deceptive form of inner lithium.
As I reflected on burying the porn...I prayerfully remembered the Law's admonishment to bury our shit (Deuteronomy 23:13) as I walked home, past the condoms, the porn, the waste, the dog crap and the garbage...I found great wisdom in that verse. I also found a deep desire to see the Lord bury such sins in the depths of the sea.
"He will again have compassion on us; He will tread our iniquities under foot. Yes, You will cast all their sins Into the depths of the sea." -Micah 7:19
If you are a sex slave...call out to Jesus. He can and will deliver you, exercise your inner demons and wash you whiter than snow and then put you on a path towards healing, restoration and purity of heart.
Here are some folks that spend a lot of time and resources on helping people find freedom and balance in their inner lives.
http://xxxchurch.com/ and here is a online program to help you begin the journey out of darkness and into the light: http://x3pure.com/
God speed.
3 comments:
Thank you Jesus that he had mercy on you...AND me, and delivered you before we were married. So glad that I have not had the heartache that comes with spousal pornography abuse. Thank you Jesus...
LeeElla
Porn is such a deceptive drug. Not only does it lie to the man saying "I'm harmless. I'm not real." But it also lies to the spouse saying "It's because of you. If you were only sexier, more attractive, more willing." Truly a double edged sword. The key is identifying it for what it really is. A means of escape from the reality of daily life that destroys not in the manner of meth, alchohol or cocaine. But destroys from the inside, the inner being, the self-worth, the "shame". Man may have created the addictive things we ingest through our mouths or in our veins but porn, which we ingest through our eyes, was created by Satan. Of that I am sure. Years ago I overcame an addiction to coke. After a few years the yearning for it was gone but the physical scars (can't breath thru my nose worth a darn) remain. Porn got a hold of me long before that and incubated in my soul until it found a "scar" it could leave behind that was so much more painful... that which was left on my wife. Not only did it scar me with the shame but scarred my wife with self-doubt and our marriage with mistrust. There have been times I would have jsut about any physical addiction for the addiction to porn. How does Satan intend on destroying God's church? By destroying the supposed leaders of His church, we Christian men, from the inside out. And leaving a string of broken families and marriages in it's wake. Congrats on using the strength God gave you, Eric. And what a blessing you have in Lee that she she's the source of that strength. That strength is there for the taking by ANY man, regardless of the how far into porn he may be. It's never too late. Of that I am sure.
EDIT... I meant to say that Lee knows the source of that strength. Need bigger keys on my keyboard... or smaller fingers.
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