Whatever is has already been,
and what will be has been before;
and God will call the past to account.
-Ecclesiastes 3:15
Last Wednesday was our official last youth church meeting at New Hope Christian Center as youth pastors. It truly was anticlimactic to say the least. After almost 9 years of pouring our lives into the youth of this city through this church, I couldn't help but leave feeling kicked in the gut. Good words were said by some and those words will be forever treasured in my heart. But the lack of much of anything else was painful.
Our family has served with passion, sacrifice, integrity and deep love for years at a high cost to ourselves in too many ways to count. We have done it willingly and unto Jesus and in love towards those we have been honored to serve. I will forever be grateful for all the beautiful words, memories and moments that we have experienced here. I know that God holds all that has been done in His heart and when I stand before Him, my reward will be waiting. I have never given myself to anything like I have this youth church and body...I have poured out my life as an offering on the service of your faith. I know that God will call the past to give an account and I shall not be ashamed on that day.
But, that doesn't mean that there has not been some extremely disappointing and devastating parts of this transition too.
This has been a really tough season and it seems like so many people are so caught up in their own difficult choices, worries, fears and issues that they have seemed to forgotten that there are other people that are mourning as well.
All the caustic words, the distrust, the painfully wrong assumptions, the character slams, the lack of integrity, the gossip and back biting, the negative pronouncements, the doom and gloom, the false words, the bitter attitudes and poisoned tongues, the dagger looks and behind closed doors bitching fests, is flat out wrong and a black eye to the name of Christ.
I am ashamed at the tone, the conduct and the conversation that has permeated so much of this transition. All the pretending, the blowing sunshine, the smiles to my face and the knife in my back, the cold indifference and being ignored in the halls, it's all so childish and ridiculous to me.
I don't say this with burning anger or bitter soul, I am simply sharing my utter disappointment in it all. But life moves on and wounds heal, churches mend, ministries still grow and we realize that Jesus didn't fall off His throne.
But we also learn a lot and more than we wished we had to about the human heart, the church and the machine. It makes me weep.
I have learned more than I ever wanted too.
let us remember, Jesus warned that all that is said in secret...will be proclaimed from the house tops.
I wipe the dust off of my feet.
3 comments:
hey buddy...long time. I hope all is well but I see there is much trangression. I am sorry. That really stinks. I have been praying for you guys and will continue. I know sometimes that sounds like a christian copout but I truly have been praying for you. I am so very, very excited about the begininng of the ministry you were truly called to lead. You will be the symbol of the strength of the Lord. Do not let that city, those hearts go without a fight, do not be shaken so that your humility is lost to pride and always love-with the whole you. If you need anything, a pryer, a ear, funds, I will give where I can and always be there for you. These are not words...they are my oath. I love you brother.
Ty
---so is there no blaze this year? I was taking the time off but wasn't sure. I would love to see you guys. face to face. it is needed.
emal me please tymulholland@gmail.com
Oh, Pastor Eric....
This post grieves my heart. But it also sheds light on some things that are very wrong that we have the power to make right.
I want to ask for your forgiveness, on behalf of all who have hurt you during this momentous time. I'm sorry that we have allowed ourselves to become tools of the enemy to tear down instead of build up, to speak death words instead of life words, and curses instead of blessings. Forgive us for paving your road with sharp, jagged rocks instead of smoothing out your path with encouragement, prayer and support.
I can honestly say that not a single negative word regarding Jacob's Well has been spoken to me, by me, or even within my hearing. So the negative things that have been occuring have certainly not been participated in by everyone. There are many of us who are whole-heartedly supporting and backing you.
Please be encouraged. We wait with great anticipation and expectation to see God's marvelous plan for you and Jacob's Well unfold, bit by beautiful bit. You're awesome!
Ty: Thanks bro...that means a lot. I know you mean those words. It's been as tough road but it's leading forward. There is BLAZE this year, it is at another place anyway and that will work out good for all. BLAZE is being supported by everyone and we anticipate a powerful conference...if it's hard it's probable that it is right!
Mel,
Thank you for the kind words as well. I know that the post I made doesn't reflect everyone's opinion or experience. I just had to vent, I know it risks being taken more ways than are reality, but for me...the words are true, painfully. But it is not the whole story just the spilling out of a little of my personal pain. But there is joy as well and support from many, including leadership.
I know that my writing here always becomes a noose for my neck but I still weave it, openly as I can and hopefully in the right spirit.
I am encouraged by much. God has been so good in this time. The support and strength that has been present in spirit, friendships and unfolding ministry has been sustaining us with hope, vision and faith. Much of that has come from new Hope people both who have left and are staying.
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